Mad Skillz

So…a friend and I were volunteering at a fundraising auction this week-end.  And as we were closing down the event, I found the auctioneer’s business card over by the checkout stations.  This is how it read:

Auctioneer.  Counselor.  Pastoral Care.  Singing Telegrams.

Wait!  What?!?

That is the most RANDOM collection of mad skillz I’ve ever seen on one business card.  But it makes a certain amount of cross-sell/up-sell business sense.  If people really like her work as a counselor, then perhaps she’ll be top-of-mind when a singing telegram need arises.  Brilliant!

What should I put on MY business card?!?

Blogger.  Stay at home mom.  Crocheter.  Singing Telegrams.

As for the singing telegrams, just to be clear: I don’t really do Broadway Show Tunes or anything.  Nor Barber Shop Quartet-y type stuff.   In fact, I don’t really do singing telegrams at all.  But if I did, I would specialize in Songs from the 80’s.  And I’d have to have a few beers first.

But the ‘Singing Telegrams’ thing is SUCH an eye-catcher, that I’m gonna put it on my business cards anyway.  And then I’m gonna have the business cards MADE.  And then I’m gonna find a place where I can hand them out (to MORE than just my kids, ’cause they pay piss-poor wages).  And then I’m gonna wait for the phone calls to roll in.  At which point I’ll notify the unemployment office that I don’t need them OR their sorry 18.2% benefit-reduction.

Ok.  Good plan.

But not yet, Unemployment Office!  Not quite yet!!  Don’t do anything with my benefits quite YET!!!

But the money’s coming soon, I can just tell.  “Do what you love, and the money will follow.”  That’s what my dear friend, Ohps*, always says.  And I’m embracing that concept like never before.  Don’t believe me?  Just take a look at my business cards.  I’m going places…and I’m singing the whole way there.


*Something you may not know about me is that Oprah Winfrey and I are dear friends.  In fact, I know Oprah so well that I call her Ohps.   Now that I think about it, though, I do have to say our friendship has been a bit one-sided in recent years.  I mean, if you asked her about me, she’d probably say she’s never heard of me.  But pay that no never mind.  She still had some insightful stuff to say for a billionaire.

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