Triathlon Talk

Super bummed the Olympics are coming to a close…

But ya know what should’ve come to a close way sooner?!?

All the nonsensical chatter by the male announcers when one of them-there l’il lady athletes was trying to win a medal after…gasp…having a baby!

That was the big topic of convo during Nicola Spirig Hug’s triathlon race. It was a long race, so lots of male t.v. announcer yakity yak yak.  Imagine the nerve: her trying to win a medal, after having a baby, after having already won a medal.  Sounds like that feat has been accomplished by very few women in Olympic history.

Weird that. But really, chick is an Olympic gold medal winner who then made it to another Olympic games.  Howz about we focus on that for a quick sec instead of making women like her sound like freakshows.

Also? I didn’t hear anyone talking about Michael Phelps in the  context of his parenthood.  Or that diver dude who won bronze with his toddler up in the stands.  Or that Marathoner Meb and his three daughters.

I may be over-the-top with this, but my thinking here is that guys talking about female Olympic athletes in the context of their motherhood is demeaning in lots of ways. So let’s knock that off ay-sap.

Ok, deep breath. Enough about male t.v. announcers.  Back to Nicola.  All’s well that ends well and she seemed pretty happy with her silver despite all the fellers who thought she should’ve felt otherwise.

An Olympic athlete? Gold medal winner??! Who then won a silver medal? Who’s also a MOTHER!??!

Rock on wit’ yer bad self, Girlfriend.

What really puzzles me though is how no one is making any sort of hoo-rah about Gwen Jorgensen being an ACCOUNTANT for heavens-to-Betsy!

Talk about nutso. Gals doing MATH?!  For a LIVING??!

Weird that. How was that allowed to slip through the system?!

But in my humble opinion, her whole gold medal winning backstory is even weirder.

Totes far-fetched if’n you ask me.

There she was. Sitting in a cubicle, doing math-y type activities when the USA Triathlon calls?!

Uh, hello, is Gwen Jorgensen there? Oh, this IS Gwen? Hiya.  How’s the math goin’??  Listen, this is USA Triathlon calling.  We want to sign you up for some triathlons and possibly a gold medal at some Olympics in the future.  You in?  You are??!  In which case, can we have your social security number. 

I mean, are women actually sitting in cubicles doing math for a living?

And are phone calls from USA Triathlon actually happening??

Because if so, you know what the.  Weirdest.  Thing of all is?? That USA Triathlon hasn’t called me yet.  Not that I do math for a living or anything.  So that must be the reason I haven’t gotten my call.  Yep, definitely the reason.  I’m also the mother of two.  So there’s that as well.  Oh, and I don’t do triathlons.  But pay that no never mind.

Bye, Olympics!  It’s been fun.  Sorry to see you go!!

Fundraising Walk

Sonny & Hubby went to a fundraising walk across town this morning.

When they came back this afternoon, I asked Sonny how it went.

His reply? “I had the best breakfast burrito I ever had!”

Hmmm, ok. So no report on the actual walk? Because it seems like you should talk more about the walk than the breakfast burritos.  But something about this is starting to sound familiar: every time Sonny is involved in a walk, he tries to do everything else but the walk.

As Sonny finishes his comment, Hubby, who’s passing through the room says, “Yeah, and I asked him to get me one too. He was gone for ten minutes and then came back with a plastic snake.”

This is all sounding just about right for Sonny at a fundraising walk.

As Hubby continues on his way out of the room, Sonny turns to me, eyes glinting with excitement, “Mom! I won the snake in a fishing game!”

Yep, just exactly…totally…right.  Glad you had fun, Sweetie.

Parade of Nations

I flippin’ LOVE the Olympics. As a result, I’ve made my children LOVE the Olympics.  (Which only seems fair since I made them HATE skiing.  You’re welcome, kiddees.  Happy to help.  Mommy’s a helper.)

As a result of the love, the kids and I slogged through the opening ceremonies last night long after Hubby had gone up to bed.

And in order to keep the energy alive as we rolled closer to the Brazilian version of X-Y-Z countries, we had the brilliant idea to issue “awards” during the Parade of Nations. Some of the awards we awarded are as follows:

Oh, wait, but first, let me say that a grand total of none of us like the Dr. Seuss mobiles that accompanied the nations into the arena. Nope, none of us.  Those bikes with all the stuff sprouting off of them?  Too wacky for words.

Ok, so here goes:

  • Best flag? Barbados. It’s a frickin’ trident. ‘Nuf said.
  • Best shorts? Bermuda. Heheheh.
  • Best hat? Burkina Faso.
  • Best overall outfits? Burundi. Because any outfit that allows you to walk into an Olympic Stadium with a 6 foot walking stick PER PERSON?! RULES.
  • Best outfit-that-looks-like-they-just-got-off-the-plane-for-a-nice-vacation-in-the-Cayman-Islands? The Cayman Islands.
  • The “Oy vey, who’s still wearing white shoes nowadays?!” award goes to China. Pssst! China. Nude peep toes would’ve sufficed.
  • Best jackets-that-look-like-a-pizzeria-sign? Croatia.
  • Biggest team? U.S.A. U.S.A.
  • Team voted most likely to wear Ralph Lauren blue blazers for the umpteenth year in a row? Also U.S.A.  Yes, USA won two awards.  We’re slightly biased.
  • Opening Ceremony outfit voted to be most similar to a 90’s gala event/evening-dress outfit? Georgia.
  • Most confusing yet similar names of several countries? Guinea, Equatorial Guinea and Papua New Guinea.
  • Best flag bearer? Iran. Holding your country’s flag FROM A WHEELCHAIR while being an OLYMPIC ATHLETE?!? Word! And chick’s coming with me to the Hunger Games if the world goes there one day, sorry Katniss.
  • Flag bearer’s hair which most closely matches their country’s flag? Jamaica.
  • Best jacket? Nehru. Heheheh.
  • Best Dab? (It’s a dance move, Mom.) Palau.
  • Best Distressed Jeans? Portugal. But we think you folks should’ve dressed up more. USA wore blue blazers, afterall.
  • Best Team? The Refugee Team. Worthy of the standing ‘O’ they received.

One award was given after that. I received it.  Not that I’m an Olympic athlete or anything.  Instead, I was voted “the most likely to fall asleep during the Olympic Opening Ceremonies, in spite of LOVING the Olympic Opening Ceremonies.”

A big thank you to all the little people who helped me get where I am today.