This past week-end was rainy and so all the tennis matches, baseball games, whoseewhatsits were cancelled.  What’s a family of four to do with their found time?  Indoor laser tag, natch.

But first, in order to play, you have to choose an alias.  Hubby was The Dominator (and yes, the 50 Shades of Grey reference was totally accidental), Sonny was Eclipse (Once upon a time I was falling in love, but now I’m only falling apart.  There’s nothing I can do…a total eclipse of the heart.  Hey, Bright Eyes!  Turn around and tell me who yer Daddy is.  That’s right – ME!  Because Bonnie Tyler’s “Total Eclipse of the Heart” was released in 1983 which means there IS an 80’s song for every moment in life.  Including those moments when you’re playing LASER TAG!)

My name?  Was Bright Eyes.  Ha, ha, ha.  Kidding.  Bright Eyes would’ve been weird.  My name was actually Ana Steele.  Ha, ha, ha.  Still kidding because unless you READ the 50 Shades of Grey nonsense, that name makes no sense and is even weirder than Bright Eyes.  No, my name was actually Queen E (as in, replace the ‘B’ in Queen B with an ‘E’ while making a sign language ‘E’ to the woman entering the alias in the computer).  The Alias Enterer just rolled her eyes at me because I guess she must see a lot of 40-something-year-old moms who flash pseudo gang signs at her.

And Sissy?  Was Floppy Dolphin.  Which made it sound like she left her endoskeleton at the beach.  But, quite frankly, that name was an improvement because originally, she was going to be POOPY Dolphin.  And THAT made it sound like there was going to be an explosive diarrhea throw-down.

We didn’t realize until the first round of laser tag was over that they PUBLISH your aliases, scores and rankings on the monitors stationed throughout the place.  Nor did we realize that they were going to be shouting OUT your alias name when they handed you your score sheet.

But once we realized that, Sissy changed her name to something way less floppy, but still from the ocean.  Something that implied danger from the depths had arrived: The CRACKEN!  Release The CRACKEN!!!

Except when we got back out of Round 2, it turns out the woman entering the new alias had made a spelling error.  And instead of ‘The Cracken’ on the monitors, Sissy was listed as ‘The Cracker’.

“Cracker?  The Cracker??  You got fourth place this round.  Here’s your score sheet.”

Oopsie.  That’s awkward.

Let’s try again: I am the CRACKER!  Release the CRACKER!!!  Ew, nope.  Still no.