I view hardware stores the same way some people view Pinterest: All the great ideas for cute projects you’ve ever had or seen, all waiting in one place. Just waiting until you have enough time and money to do them all. In other words, when you’re dead. And that’s why there’s a LOT of rich-but-decomposing people in the hardware store. Hyuck-hyuck-hyuck!
Back when there were no other hardware stores in the world, I called my favorite one Home Despot. They knew they were the only game in town and could lord it over you. And be completely unhelpful and nondescriptive. For example, they would post signs like: Topsoil – 5 for $10.
5 WHAT, ya jerks? 5 DOLLARS of topsoil for 10 dollars?!? 5 GIRTH UNITS of topsoil?!? Annoying.
But since Lowes came to town and shot Home Depot down, Dr. Pepper fixed him up and now they’re after 7-Up. The result? Home Depot’s topsoil signage has gotten better. Competition always brings out a humbler, gentler, more descriptive Home Depot.
But I digress. Where I was really headed with all the Home Depot talk is that I still go there sometimes. Old habits die hard. Recently I was looking for unfinished wooden boxes. Don’t ask! See great ideas/cute projects above. A man in blue work coveralls was coming in from the outdoor garden section – which is where I was headed – and he asked if he could help me. The welcome guy at the store entrance I had been speaking to earlier was following behind me, so I thanked Coveralls but said I was already being helped.
Welcome Guy and I never did find the boxes, but I did find $25 worth of OTHER great ideas and when I was checking out, I saw Coveralls again. Also checking out. In the self-check aisle. He was shoving spraypaint in a bag and glancing at me over his shoulder. And wearing blue work coveralls.
Did you know that ACTUAL workers at Home Depot wear crisp orange aprons?
That’s it. That’s all I wanted to say.
And to answer the question, it’s 5 BAGS of topsoil for $10. That’s a pretty good price. You should get some.
When did posing as a Home Depot employee become an acceptable way to hit on chicks? Wow, that’s kind of creepy!! But look at it this way…someone is still looking. Haha!