Apropos nothing, here is a random list – in no particular order – of thing me NO like-y:
- 24-year-old neighbor boy who jumps into my yard to get his soccer ball while I’m eating leftover chips and dip at the kitchen table. Not only does he scare the SH** out of me, but he also sees that I’m eating chips and dip for lunch. ME NO LIKE-Y!
- Dead prairie dogs lying on the side of the road. Me definitely no like-y their white underbellies all turgid with bloat.
- Crows EATING dead prairie dogs lying on the side of the road. Me no like-y AND me now barf-y.
- A puppy with the runs in the middle of the night. Me no like-y AND me now crank-y from no sleep.
- The gelatinous mass that comes OUT of the puppy with the runs. Gaaaaccckkk!!!
- Cleaning UP the gelatinous mass that…OK. You get the idea here. Gaaaaaccckkk!!! Me no like-y any of it.
- Drivers who are so preoccupied with talking on their cell phones that they forget to turn even though they have the right-of-way while your a$$ is hanging out in traffic after the light turns red because you were politely waiting for them. Me NO like-y morons.
- The “Closed for Inventory” sign posted on the door of Tuesday Morning the ONE time in my whole life I wanted to return something there after the ONE time in my whole like I bought something there. Me no like-y that it turns out ALL Tuesday Mornings are closed on the same day for inventory despite a trip across town to just RETURN STUFF I DON’T WANT ALREADY! Protracted, annoying return scenarios? Nope, me no like-y.
- Me no like-y the smell that comes from my legs after I put self-tanner on them. They smell like dirty dog feet (and not the nice popcorn-y smell, but the stepped-in-something-bad-two-days-ago smell). Who like-y that? Not me.
- Dumb, confusing vanity license plates. I submit for consideration, “MANDRS.” Man Doctors? Amanda’s nickname?? Who’s to say. Annoying at the very least. And aptly named – vanity plates; You have to be vain to think me care OR me like.
See? I TOLD you this was apropos nothing. I just wanted to balance out my blog from the other day where I listed some of the things me like-y. I didn’t want you to think I was too…upbeat.