…my friends! (Freddie Mercury/Queen, 1977 – but close enough to the 80’s to win me two points in the “80’s song for every moment in life” game I play in my head).
And WHY is this song in my head?
Because I won! I won! I wonIwonIwonIwonIwon!!!
I won my FIRST tennis match last night: 6-2, 6-2. How you like ‘DEM apples?? (say it in a New Jersey accent. It’s funnier that way.)
Of course it helped that the other team was drunk. Well, one of them was drunk anyway.
After she shows up telling us we mustn’t hit her in the head because she just had Botox, she then proceeds to tell us that her pro suggests she have a little drinkypoo before a match to calm her nerves. Uh – yeah. My pro says the same thing. But my pro DOESN’T encourage me to CONTINUE drinking throughout the match! And I’m pretty sure hers doesn’t either.
So I didn’t feel as bad as I could have when I hit her ribs below her left boob with the ball during warm-up. Out loud I said, “Oops! I’m so sorry! I thought for sure you’d get that! But at least it wasn’t in the head per your request! Tee hee tee hee.”
In my HEAD, it actually went something like this, “Good. I’m glad I hitchya. If you can’t protect your own boobs with the tennis racket because you suck so badly AND you’re drunk, you deserve to get hit. But at least it wasn’t in the head per your request. Tee hee tee hee.”
I mean, really. The other team was absolutely awful. I kept telling my partner that if we didn’t win this game, we were the suckiest tennis players. Ever!
Come on! I know I SUCK. But I don’t want to be the…SUCK-I-EST! Right?? Who’s with me on this?!?
And my partner didn’t believe that the chick on the other team was drunk…until drunkypoo actually asked, “Ish it my turn to SWERVE again already?!?” Yes, yes it is. Funny how that happens. You have to swerve every fourth turn.
Speaking of swerving, when drunkypoo’s partner was swerving, she made drunkypoo stand almost OUTSIDE the court because she was afraid she might accidentally hit drunkypoo in the head.
Trust me. I’ve played against Swerver Extraordinaire before and – in addition to seeing her toss the ball up five, six, SEVEN times before swerving – I’ve also actually SEEN HER hit her partner in the head during a swerve. So it was a good move on her part to put drunkypoo Baby in the Corner.
But in all fairness, they did have good eats and drinks after the match. So there is that. AND the conversation about the Medium Parties they’ve hosted and attended was interesting. So there’s that as well.
Oh. And also?? I wonwonwonwonwonwonwon!!!!