The NINTH Wonder of the World

Sonny was spouting fun facts as we were milling around the kitchen this morning.  The kids and hubby were putting on coats, collecting backpacks and in general, getting ready to walk out the door and into their life. 

And lil ol’ me?!  I was drinking coffee in my p.j.’s and doling out goodbye kisses.  Welcome to MY life!  I’mmmm sittin’ in the lap!  Sittin’ in the lap of luxury!  Sittin’ in the lap…*

It’s right about this time that Sonny states, “You know, there’s a NINTH wonder of the world.  It’s – THE WORLD!”

To which, Sissy replies, “Uhhhh, wouldn’t the FIRST wonder of the world be – THE WORLD?!?”

Good point.  Especially if we’re ranking wonders by order-of-astounding.  But NINE Wonders of the World, huh?  So I say out loud, “What exactly ARE these Nine Wonders, Buddy?”

He starts itemizing, “The Grand Canyon…”  This clearly is top of mind since we were just there.  ‘Cept I call it Scary Canyon  And if you thought “grand” was a misnomer, “wonder” would have to be one too.  Wonder implies your eyes get round and your mouth forms an “O.”  My bowels just turn to water; Wonder my a$$! 

But he continues, “…the pyramids, Niagara Falls, Mount Everest…”  And then?  It goes wonky.

“…this volcano thing, a golden room somewhere…”  Hmmm, I am not familiar with these items.  A golden room somewhere??  That doesn’t sound quite specific enough.  Or even right.  And I think some wonder lists have gotten combined here.

“…and a coupla other things.”  Well, a coupla other things and THE WORLD, of course.  Let’s not forget that. 

Also?  A “coupla other things” sounds pretty vague.  I’m no expert or anything, but if you count backwards and include THE WORLD, then we’re really at EIGHT Wonders of the World.  And Sonny said there were NINE.  So a “coupla other things” would really be just ONE other thing, right?  And what would that ONE other thing be?!  Unless, of course, it’s really EIGHT Wonders of the World.  Or maybe even SEVEN Wonders of the World??  If we subtract out THE WORLD (because I don’t think THE WORLD counts as a WONDER of THE WORLD, but I could be wrong), then we’re at SEVEN. 

And now?  Now it’s gotten confusing. 

Because really??  Really, when you get right down to brass tacks, all of these lists are just math masquerading as wonders.

And you know what math means, don’t you?!?  PEACE OUT!


*Why yes, those are the lyrics from “Sittin’ in the Lap of Luxury” released in 1990 by Louie, Louie.  Now, I know that on the surface, this does not look like a winning entry in the “80’s Song For Every Moment In Life” game we have so much fun playing together.  But how ‘bout if I told you Louie, Louie (Louis Cordero) used to tour with Erasure?  80’s much?  And what if I told you he appeared on the Arsenio Hall show TWICE during the first year of the show’s debut??  Totally 80’s!  And that he played Madonna’s boyfriend in the music video for her “Borderline” song?!?  Come on!  That’s quintesSENTIAL 80’s!  Then you would know that a master is at work here.  And that the whole thing practically screams eighties with a capital EIGHT!  And then you would concede that I have won another round in this game.  And that I am truly winner, winner chicken dinner!  But all this talk of EIGHT reminds me too much of the talk of NINE and also SEVEN.  Which still means…PEACE OUT!