Stretchmarks X!

It’s not like I want “ripped” abs.  It’s just that I don’t want my abs to be convex.  So I’m hoping this P90X path I’m headed down will lead me to a nice in-between place where my abs are just plain ‘ol…flat.

But one thing I find puzzling about all of this P90X-ness is that Tony Horton STILL hasn’t mentioned anything about stretch marks.

I mean, he seems seriously committed to giving me a beach body.  And in fact, mentions this commitment several times during his workout dvd’s.  His website (which he also mentions several times in every dvd) is  This all clearly adds up to: Tony Horton is dedicated to giving me a beach body [which I will then place in a bikini when my husband surprises me with a Spring Break trip to the white sand beaches in Mexico!]  I added that last part…but that’s what’s coming next.  It’s so obvious.  But we all know it’s gonna be a low-budget trip, of course, since I don’t have a job and we don’t have any “extra” money to spend on a trip.  So that’s why Tony has probably already contacted my husband to suss out the details of how to transfer his frequent flyer miles to us.

But yet Tony maintains radio silence about stretch marks.

Which is totally confusing because if he’s as dedicated to giving me a beach body as he says he is, then he should have mentioned how to work out the stretch marks by now!  (Or at least have something posted on his website about it…especially something about how to get rid of that weird stretch mark that comes straight out of my belly button and which was soooooo painful when I was pregnant with my children.  Too much information?)

Let’s see.  He’s got Ab Ripper X, Kenpo X, Yoga X and on and on and on.  Aha!  There is a Stretch X.  But don’t be misled!!  It has NOTHING to do with stretchmarks.  I checked.  There really needs to be a StretchMARKS X.

Tone-ster!  You hear me?!?  My rockin’ abs won’t do me any good at the beach if my skin still looks like I’ve been clawed by a tiger from the belly button down.

Send help soonest.  XOXO, Me.

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