Day 5 (aka “the end of the stay at home mom work week”)

Ok…it’s the final day of my stay at home mom “work week” and I can’t shake the impression that it has mostly been filled with zany antics and nutty goings-on.  In fact, all day I expected Lucille Ball to show up, at which point we’d be forced to start shoving candy into our mouths because the conveyor belt was going too fast.  But let me itemize what the day entailed so we can decide together if I’m actually getting the hang of this thing:

  • Got up at 6:10 only to find one child in my bed and the other in my bathroom.  They have this weird sixth sense when my husband is out of town which causes them to migrate into my room in the early morning hours.
  • Got everyone dressed (except for me), got breakfast made (cold cereal, screw the scones).  Lunches were already packed – I did ‘em last night when I was cleaning up from dinner.  I’ve read all those Time Management articles in Redbook too!
  • After I opened the garage door to get ready for the carpool, I proceeded to dance around in my pj’s for 10 minutes due to the snake that slithered out (which the kids insisted was a baby rattler).
  • Lots of picture-taking ensued and of course it was absolutely vital that we call the kids-on-the-way-to-the-bus-stop over to lend their opinion as to the identity of the snake (yep, baby rattler).
  • Coming to my senses and realizing that I was still dressed in my pj’s (which are really just an oversized 95%-off, 4th of July t-shirt) I made a mad dash up the stairs to get something presentable on before the carpool lady swung around the corner.
  • Oddly enough, when she arrived she refused to let her kids out of the car to see the snake, so my two hopped in and off they went to school.  All of this put us at about 7:15 am.
  • I then texted pics of the snake to my parents and husband.  The verdict was a baby bull snake.  It looks just like a rattle snake, except without the rattle.  Duh.
  • Didn’t run.
  • Didn’t shower.
  • Instead – for the next 2 hours I checked email, which devolved into looking at dumb “top news” stories online: Jesus Fresco Fiasco, What to Buy/What to Skip at Yard Sales, Lance Armstrong Stripping (or was he being stripped of something?), Jennifer Hudson Stuns in Minidress etc.
  • When I realized it was 9:30, I had to fly out of the house because the cleaning ladies were coming at 10 and I wanted to eliminate any possibility of them catching me skulking out of my own dirty house without a job to my name.
  • Swung by the post office to drop off 3 thank you notes (even though I have a perfectly serviceable mailbox in front of my house).
  • Stopped at the bank to deposit two checks that were so piddling I would normally have just cashed them.
  • Spent 3 hours at the jewelry store talking to the nice, patient lady about resetting my diamond (hey, I’ve got TIME to kill and I was just looking!!!).
  • Went to Ulta to use my $3.50-off-a-$10-purchase coupon.  Turns out I also had $3.00 in rewards points accumulated so I got $11 worth of stuff for only $4.  Score!
  • Returned a $14 headband my daughter didn’t want to a chi-chi sports store at the mall.  Going into this place is like going to a whole ‘nother planet where they don’t sell clothes beyond a size 12 (because “large” people don’t sweat?!) and where unused $14 headbands intended for 10 year old girls can’t be returned.  But they returned it for me “just this once” because it was “their bad” that they didn’t tell me the policy when I purchased the headband yesterday.  Whew!  Crisis averted.
  • Had an hr. + conversation with my sister on the phone.
  • Went to pick up the kids ½ hour early and lucky for me there were other moms there early too…so we got to chat for a bit about the upcoming school fundraiser; how the first week of school went for everyone; what kind of homework each grade had; what everyone was doing for the week-end etc.
  • Took all the kids in the carpool home and during the ride – when they complained about being hungry – I passed out fruit-flavored hard candies to one and all!
  • When I got everyone dropped off, I turned around and brought my son to the doctor to check a growth on his knee (it’s a wart, put duct tape on it).
  • Met some neighbors on their back deck for a beer (or three) while my husband took my son and his friend to football practice.  (My husband is the coach, otherwise I would have driven.  Really.)
  • When my husband called to say they were on their way home and to ask when dinner would be ready, I told him to order pizza and dinner would be ready shortly after that.
  • Big pause on the phone followed by “seriously?!”

And so it goes.  I think it’s coming along nicely, don’t you?  I just wish I had Lucille Ball’s phone number.  I’d invite her to lunch.  We’d have lots of fun.

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