The itsy bitsy spider…

…climbed up the water-spout (‘cept in this song it’s really the front of the toilet bowl).

(Oh!  And the spider was NOT itsy bitsy.  It was BIG.  And a disgusting muddy yellow color.)

(Also?  There’s a human in this version of the song.  Who had just pulled down her pants when she spotted said spider moving up the outside of the bowl.  Towards her.  And her bared assets.  So she had to blast outta there like that guy in the horror movie.  You know, the one who has his pants down around his ankles, doing something inappropriate, when the killer comes calling.  And he can’t get away fast enough because he’s stumbling over…uh…his own pants.  With all his most vulnerable bits out in the open.  Yeah.  That one.  ‘Cept instead of stumbling AWAY from the killer, the person in this story is galloping-in-a-hobbled-sort-of-way TOWARDS another bathroom to ‘take care of bidnid’.  And when those drawn to the original bathroom by all the screaming report that there’s no spider to be found, additional skippin’ and hoppin’ ensues due to the worry that somehow the spider is now trapped in the pants-down-around-the-knees.  Or worse yet, clinging to the bared assets!  GAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! )

Ok.  Enough backstory.  Here we go….

The BIG muddy yellow spider

Climbed up the toilet bowl

A woman spotted the spider

And she screamed bloody murder

Then out ran the woman, tripping over her own pants-down-around-her-knees

And the BIG, muddy yellow spider will never climb up the toilet bowl again.  (Because Sonny found it drowned in the bathtub later that night.  To which I say: Good – Die you gravy suckin’ pig!  DIE!!!)

Have I mentioned that I HATE spiders?  And they know it.  So they play this game of chicken with me every chance they get.  I bet ya they even crawl into my mouth when I’m sleeping.


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