One time I stalked a co-worker. But it was a TOTAL accident! And I was really only involved because I wrote the crazy stalking note. Which was actually intended for a DIFFERENT co-worker. Who is a dear, dear friend.
Back in the day when I had a job (no – I still haven’t found another one, but thanks for asking! stink eye, stink eye) I parked next to this dear friend’s car in the parking garage. And thought it would be funny to write a note saying ‘Hi!’. But all I had in the car were napkins. And a red crayon. So I used my “other” hand to write: I have my eye (big crazy eye drawing surrounded by spiky eyelashes) on U!
The end result was that the note looked like it was written by an escapee from the insane asylum, but I knew my friend would dutifully laugh and know immediately that I had written it because our cars were parked right next to each other. Which is exactly what she did when she found the note. But then? Then she took the note and put it on the windshield of ANOTHER co-worker who was parked on the OTHER side of her, thinking that co-worker would enjoy a laugh as well.
Except? This other co-worker actually thought someone had their eye (big crazy eye drawing surrounded by spiky lashes) on her in a super CREEPY way, rather than a funny HA HA way. So she immediately filed an incident report with the security department. Then – for the next two weeks – she had the building security guard escort her to her car, morning and night. And when he wasn’t available, she had the Office Manager (who was a former Navy Quartermaster) do it instead.
Aaacckkk!!! Whaaaa….whaaaaa happened?!? How did this go so wrong, so quickly?? I only WROTE the note that put the fear into her heart. I didn’t actually PLACE the note that put the fear into her heart on her car! But it’s not like I could TELL anyone that without “outing” myself AND my friend in the process. Instead, my friend and I became inadvertent partners in the accidental stalking of a co-worker who had a BLACK BELT IN KARATE (yes, literally). So in addition to being worried we’d get thrown in jail, there was a we’re-afraid-she’ll-kick-our-teeth-in-if-she-ever-finds-out component to all of this. So we just maintained our shameful, toothy silence.
Eventually the co-worker we accidentally stalked never got any more notes (cause we never SENT her any more, duh!) so she let up on the escorts to and fro and just contented herself with a mace-in-the-purse approach.
Ahhhhhhh…those were the days! I sure do miss those days when I was running from the law. And when I had a job – and got paid to perform zany antics and wacky hi-jinks. Yep. Those were the days.
These days? These days I spend the entire day changing sheets, cleaning bathrooms and doing laundry. No friends or co-workers to have a good laugh with. The pay is total CRAP. And there’s not a single soul around to kick my teeth in should I accidentally stalk them.
Talk about boring.