They have made a comeback which Hostess* is touting as the sweetest in the world. Saved from the brink of extinction – Twinkies are baaaaAAAACK!
But should they be?!?
I walked into Wal-Mart the other day & there was a huge stand of them RIGHT THERE. Thinking my children had never had them and it might be a fun novelty to try, I bought a box. [I know. I know. I’m an End-cap Marketers dream-come-true.]
When I got home, it turned out the kids HAVE had them before. [When? How?? NEVER on my watch – that’s for dang sure!] And they LOVE them!!!
Really, what’s NOT to love?? A yellow, cream-filled sponge cake that tastes like….a sponge, fresh out of the package-which-has-kept-it-oddly-moist-until-now. In fact, that’s how they make Twinkies. They take a fresh sponge, remove the green scrubber top, form the remaining yellow-ness into a shape that does not naturally occur in nature, and fill it with sweetened shortening.
Yes. This is absolutely how they make Twinkies.
I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP!!
They also include a fun…er…ingredient called sodium acid pyrophosphate which has the added benefit of making your tongue tingle (burn? itch??) in an uncomfortable way when you eat a Twinkie.
In fact, with all the many other fun…er…ingredients they contain, Twinkies can actually stay fresh long after a nuclear holocaust has occurred (take note, Doomsday Preppers. You’ll want these for your dessert stash). And if you’re lost in the woods, you can start a fire with them. [I know my Latin. And ‘pyro’ – as in sodium acid PYROphosphate – is derived from the word ‘pyromaniacs’ who are people who like to start fires when they’re lost in the woods.]
In summation, Twinkies are a shining example of American know-how and ingenuity; Free market economics at its best. They are a nutritious, tasty treat for people of all ages and walks of life.
Well. Perfect for everyone except Vegetarians, that is. Because Twinkies contain beef fat. Who would have guessed?!
Yum** – please pass me another!
*As a side note, does anyone else think ‘Hostess’ is a dumb, outdated name for a company?!? It also starts to sound weird if you say it too many times in a row.
**When I say “Yum!” I really mean, “Why does my tongue burn and itch – and why are the taste buds actually JUMPING out of my mouth?!?”