There’s this crazy (slash admirable) sub-set of neighbor ladies who go to a local park three mornings a week to work out. AT 5:30 A.M.! Did you catch that part about admirable (AND CRAZY)??
On the drive there (No. Of course there’s no walking to the workout. Driving only. They’re not THAT crazy slash admirable ;-)), we see the work-release people out looking for jobs.
I mentioned it’s 5:30 in the morning, right? And there’s pretty much NO jobs available at that time of day. And there’s also most likely NONE to be found on that street because there’s only the jail there…and the work-out park. And maybe an automotive place, but they probably have all the help they need. Or maybe they take the first few work-releasers who come in; But I haven’t really seen anyone RUNNING down the street to get there first, so maybe not.
Which leads me to believe these people are actually mosey-ing to the bus stop to go downtown where the daily job prospects are a bit….er….richer?? All of their worldly possessions appear to be stuffed into a garbage bag. So they could just be making a bid for freedom. Who’s to say.
Now, I’ve joined the crazy-slash-admirables a time or two for the 5:30 a.m. workout…but I can’t go with them tomorrow because I have a meeting. An in-person reemployment and work-search plan appointment at the local workforce center. (Phew! That’s a mouthful!)
And I’m worried – really worried – that pretty soon I’ll be joining the garbage-bag-crew wandering to the bus stop in search of work.
You see, this is the meeting wherein “they” (whoever “they” are) decide if I’m worthy of receiving Emergency Unemployment Compensation. I’ve gone beyond my 26 weeks of regular unemployment compensation. And now Congress will provide me with federal extended benefits, also called Emergency Unemployment Compensation or EUC. (A catchy acronym, no? Anyone else think it sounds like you’re hocking a loogie?) But only if I meet the following requirements:
- Review an online presentation of the menu of services offered by the workforce centers [DONE! Took 10 minutes. This might be easier than I thought.]
- Attend an in-person reemployment and work search plan appointment at the local workforce center [Phew! That’s a mouthful. And I’m going to said appointment tomorrow. Although “appointment” might be a misnomer here since it implies that I looked at my schedule and we worked out a time and place to meet based on my availability. Instead, they told me when and where I was to “report.” Appointment. Report-for-duty. Either way, I wouldn’t want to miss it!]
- Complete an online skills assessment. [DONE! And I got a nifty Skills Profile as a result. It gives me some ideas of jobs in unexplored employment areas that might be a good fit for my skillset. Let’s see….we have:
- Mathematical Technicians, Actuaries and Economists (uh – I’m pretty sure I answered “NO!!!” to the question asking if I like math, so I’m not sure how these job ideas made it to the top of the list)
- Atmospheric Space Scientists and Astronomers (Astronomers?! Aren’t those the people who can see the future? And tell you what sign you’re born under and what your lucky numbers are? In which case I don’t think that job is for me. I don’t like people, even if you DO call them Geminis and Capricorns.)
- Gaming Surveillance Officers (ooooh! NOW we’re getting somewhere!)
- Athletes and Sports Competitors (WTF?)
- Clergy (WTFFFFFF?!??)
- Public Address System and Other Announcers (if this is the tired chick at the airport making exhausted announcements over the P.A. to the dumb-dumbs who left their glasses at Gate 12 or who need to meet their party at Baggage Claim, then no thanks.)
- Morticians, Undertakers, and Funeral Directors (I don’t like LIVE people. I’m pretty sure dead ones would be even worse.)
- Obstetrician/Gynecologist (Uh…could I just get a job that doesn’t require AN ENTIRE MEDICAL SCHOOL COMMITMENT?!? Unless having a Master’s Degree in Business Administration somehow qualifies me to looks at hoo-haws all day, then no thanks. Oh…and also? NO THANKS BECAUSE THIS JOB WOULD REQUIRE ME TO LOOK AT HOO-HAWS ALL DAY!!!)
- Poets, Lyricists and CREATIVE WRITERS (YES! YES!!!! Poet? No. Creative Writing? Yes! This is it – this is what I want to do!!!! How did they know?!? Are they Astronomers??!)
- Continue to seek work and keep a record of the work-seeking and this record must be verifiable and on your person at all times for a minimum of TWO YEARS [Yeah. Sure. That seems reasonable.]
‘Cept I should be updating my work-seeking record and stapling it to my forehead RIGHT NOW in preparation for my meeting tomorrow – instead of blogging. So Crazy-Slash-Admirables: when next you see me, you may be on your way to work-out. And I? I may be hoofin’ it to nowhere while carrying a sad Santa sack over my shoulder. In which case, please be sure to honk and wave.