My lip(sticks) are sealed!

When I was in grad school, I remember learning that there was an inverse relationship between the economy and lipstick purchases.  That is to say, when the economy is down, lipstick purchases go up.

Take a look at this picture and make some guesses about my own personal economy.  Anyone?  Anyone??  Bueller??!







Three key points I need to make here are:

  1. Why yes, my personal economy IS down.  How did you know?  By any chance did we go to grad school together??
  2. I shoulda married for money and not love and then I wouldn’t have to buy ANY lipsticks at all.  And you know what?  My husband says the same thing about me (not the part about lipsticks…but the part about marrying for money – hardy har har.  At this point have we become the funniest couple you know or what?  If you answered “or what” YOU now become the funniest couple we know.  Keep up the good work.)
  3. Ulta – I am totally DONE with you and your “$3.50 off a purchase of $10 or more” coupon.  Because you know what you can buy at-just-the-ten-dollar-mark at your store?  LIPSTICK!  And I don’t need any more.
  4. The search for the “perfect red” is over.  Not because I found it.  But because it doesn’t exist.  Maybelline ColorSensational Red Revival matches my chin zit.  And correct me if I’m wrong (because I can never keep the lipstick “rules” straight, so I could be wrong)…but I don’t think, as you enter your mid-40’s, that you’re supposed to be matching your lipcolor to your chin zit anymore.  Match your lip color to your shoes, YES!  Your purse?  NO!  And chin zit??  That was fine in your teens, but at this age it’s too “matchy, matchy.”  But thanks for the quintessential-red-that-looks-good-on-everyone tip on that one Redbook.  You owe me $6.50 (AFTER coupon).  And speaking of Maybelline, their SuperStay lipcolor in Ruby makes my teeth look yellow.  And you know what ELSE makes my teeth look yellow?  The SECOND SuperStay lipcolor in Ruby that I have because I forgot I had the first one and bought ANOTHER!  %#$^  And the Ulta brand Extreme Wear lipcolor #204 DOES last all day.  ON MY TEETH!!!  [And no, there wasn’t a too-tiny-to-read color name on the lipstick tube.  Just a number.  So screw you and your comments about reading glasses for people entering their mid-40’s.]  And if you’re thinking at this point that perhaps it’s the…er…cheaper (that is to say “less expensive”) lipstick brands that I’m having problems with – then you’d be wrong.  Because Lancome’s “Jezebel” makes me look like a vampire fresh from the killing fields.  Cute…or not so much??  I’m going with “not so much” but I paid $22 for that privilege.
  5. So starting now!, I will not buy ANY MORE lipstick.  I will NOT be fooled.  I have lipstick for every conceivable situation.  Breezy summer days, cozy winter nights, take your stay at home mom to drag queen day.  You name it!  I got it!!  And I don’t need more of the same.

And if you realized that there were five points and not the promised THREE…then we DID go to grad school together.  What are you doing these days with YOUR MBA?

Me?!  Oh – it’s hard to say.  This and that, mostly.  But I can’t give you any more details than that.  Because my lip(sticks) are sealed…

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