This is an open letter to Kohl’s…
Please cease and desist with the Kohl’s Cash. Now. I can’t take it anymore. Kohl’s Cash redemption days are literally the only thing on my calendar (well – besides my upcoming lunch lady duties). Just the fact that I have to put a reminder on my calendar so that I don’t accidentally miss using my Kohl’s cash tells you how knee-deep I am here.
You’re very stealthy, Kohl’s. But I can see right through you. I know those innocuous $10-off-any-purchase-over-$10 coupons are all part of your psychological warfare. I frequently find myself driving to one of your many conveniently-located stores in my area, saying to myself, “You can do it this time. You can JUST spend $10 and come away with something that’s basically free!” But that never happens, does it? Oooooh nooooo! $183 dollars later and look-y here, I’ve actually saved $298!!! And yes, that’s $183 AFTER the $10 off coupon combined with a 30% off coupon that I got in the mail last week.
Wait! What?! I just wanted to spend $10!!! But now I’m $183 in the hole and I need to come back again in 2 weeks to use the Kohl’s Cash ($30 bucks worth, ya effers) I never wanted to “earn” in the first place.
Stop it. Just stop. I’m looking for things to do, Kohl’s. But as my grandmother used to say, “going to the poor house saving money” isn’t one of them. Stop already! I mean it. I’m serious this time. I’m gonna use that final $30 in Kohl’s Cash (and not a cent more!!!) and then I’m done with you. We’re through. C’est fini! Kaput! Do you hear me?!?
Now I’ve got to go get the mail. I gotta see what sort of coupons came today…