Papal Conclave

What with all my free time and all, I was able to watch the procession of cardinals into the Sistine Chapel yesterday as they prepared to enter into the Papal Conclave.

There’s lots I could say here – but I won’t.  Other than to mention that there was one fella’ (sittin’ right in front I might add) who didn’t get the “we’re all gonna wear red” memo.  I mean, seriously.  He was wearing some sort of mostly-black Rasputin outfit.  I hope he doesn’t win.  I wasn’t getting a good vibe from him.

Nor was I feeling real warm and fuzzy towards the fella’ in the wheel chair WHO WAS DOZING during the “give us strength and help us make the right decision” prayer.  Uh…is his vote gonna count?!?  Just wondering how the rules work on that.

And the man LEADING the “give us strength and help us make the right decision” prayer?  Almost walked away from the mic without his hat.  Guys – ixnay on the ats-hay.  There’s too much to keep track of.  You don’t need ONE MORE THING to worry about.  Am I right?

I attended a mass last week said by the Archbishop of Denver.  And afterwards one of the other moms and I were talking about the hat situation going on up there on the altar.  If we were in charge, we’d say leave the hats at home!  No one has time to mess with the hats.  Who can keep all the rules straight about when to take them off and put them back on again.  Again, I’m pretty sure they have more important things to worry about!

But just in case they do forget their hats?  It’s a good thing they have those huge altar boys who follow them around and give them back their hats, which is what happened in the scenario with the Master of Ceremonies yesterday.

So…all this filing-into-the-room business took up quite a bit of time.  And so I never even got to see them enter the time portal and put this thing to a vote.  But yesterday’s vote was a bust so they got to come back OUT of the time portal to board the climate-controlled bus from the Sistine Chapel back to the guest house (can you just imagine the conversations as they’re brushing their teeth and getting ready for bed?!  Goodnight John Boy!  Goodnight Cardinal Scola!  Goodnight Cardinal Scherer!).  They’ll begin the process all over again this morning.

Doesn’t the entire world wonder what they’re doing in the conclave?  Well – I know what they’re doing.  I saw it on t.v. yesterday.  They have a copper-piped still in there.  Which leads me to believe they are making small-batch, single-malt scotch.  In fact, they have TWO stills in there.  The t.v. camera panned away from the filing-in and did a close-up of the stills.  I hope they don’t get too distracted with the distilling process to focus on the task at hand!

And this next question may just be me.  And the fact that I’m looking at all of this through my “I don’t have a job” filter.  But how much is all of this costing??  Let’s wrap this up asap, guys.  If some stay at home mothers were in charge, we’d send them through the time portal with a sleeping bag and a toothbrush.  We’d get a much quicker decision that way.  And while I’d like to also say ix-nay on the otch-skay, they might be on to something.  I mean, they could charge a LOT for it and people would buy it.  That might defray some of the costs.

Either way, the world is wishing them the best of luck.  May the best man win!!

Pssst!  Just one final, quick comment.  Not that it bears mentioning.  Just like the rest of this.  But we gals learned during a bad stint in the 80’s that oversized dresses with drop waists and lots of lace don’t look slenderizing.  I’m just mentioning it because – even though I LOVED the Laura Ashley Years while they lasted – looking back now I can see so clearly where it all went wrong.  Could someone pass this fashion message on to the Cardinals?


That’s right.  They’re busy.

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