Why I hate soccer tournaments (and hotel rooms)

Building on my insightful comments in yesterday’s blog (Of Soccer Tournaments and Suckiness), we continue today with the Top 10 Reasons I Hate Soccer Tournaments (in no particular order):

  1. The three-day-old soccer tournament fug that pervades the uniforms, soccer bag and ultimately the car
  2. It takes FOREVER to organize any group meal (literally HOURS – and that’s only after everyone wanders away horror-movie-style looking for each other and no one ever comes back…and then MORE go to find them and THEY never come back….)
  3. A good portion of the parents begin to annoy you when you realize what complete and utter wackjobs they are.  Drinking (yours/theirs) doesn’t help.
  4. The ENDLESS amounts of hall-roaming, hot-tubbing, elevator-breaking, that goes on among the team members….and the subsequent security-guard conversations.
  5. The carpooling craziness that breaks out before you have to leave for every game.
  6. And speaking of “leaving”…someone is always leaving someone “out” or is being left “out” themselves; this is always a fun situation with a bunch of 10 and 11 year-old girls.
  7. Despite a carload of crap, there’s still crap that got left behind at home which then needs to be purchased (again!) at the tournament location.
  8. No one gets decent sleep and so they play soccer like crap and you think to yourself, “If you were gonna play soccer like crap, you could have stayed home and played soccer like crap THERE and we wouldn’t have had to spend all this time and money playing soccer like crap HERE.”  And in addition to the minimal sleep making everyone PLAY like crap…they start feeling like crap…and then they get sick.
  9. The forced conversations with the coach.  It’s almost like having to talk to a priest.
  10. The whole thing seems like it will be fun.  A LOT more fun than it actually is.

And while we’re at it, let’s do a quick countdown on the Top 10 Reasons I Hate Hotel Rooms:

  1. It’s either too hot or too cold and if you ever DO get the temperature right and turn off the blasting fan, you can hear the traffic outside like nobody’s business!
  2. The little pouch they keep the hairdryer in with the word “Hairdryer” on it.  If you just left the hairdryer OUT IN THE OPEN I could see right away that it was a hairdryer and you wouldn’t need a little pouch with the word “Hairdryer” on it that told me so.  AND THEN, when I needed it, I wouldn’t have to fiddle with the greasy little bag that’s probably covered in lice.
  3. All the exposés I’ve seen on 60 Minutes about hotel rooms – including the ones on bedbugs and…uh…stains…to be found there.
  4. The bed is not my own and therefore the pillows/sheets/covers freak me out because of all the exposés I’ve seen on 60 Minutes about hotel room stains.
  5. All the luggage has to be up, up, UP.  In case there ARE bedbugs they won’t come home with me.  Which makes the room resemble some weird, cup-stacking game.  Only with luggage.
  6. The way they slide your bill under the door.  If there’s enough room to take a hand and slide it under the door with a piece of paper, could they be sliding a camera of sorts under the door as well to….uhhhh…”observe” me?
  7. I sleep like crap.  All night.  Every night I’m there.
  8. The unacceptable levels of fresh coffee to be found in the room.  2 cups?!  Come on!  I need at least 5!!  And if I’m refilling the water reservoir with a used cup for another go-round with the used coffee pod, then what do you think EVERYONE ELSE IS DOING?!?  BlaaaaaAAAACH!!!
  9. If you forget your sanitizing spray, you have to touch everything with a tissue between you and it.  Then eventually you run out of tissues and/or forget to use a tissue and then you get sick anyway!  ‘A’ for effort though.
  10. It seems like it will be fun.  But it’s not.

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