(Subtitled: YOU RAT BASTARD DOG!!!!!)
It’s been raining for forty days and forty nights here in CO. (No one gave ME the high-sign to build an ark. If they had, it would have been built last year and I would be putting the finishing touches on the ark cozy I’m crocheting for the occasion. Oh, and? AND I WOULD BE INSIDE THE ARK RIGHT NOW! WITH A NICE, DRY, CLEAN DOG!!!)
Instead, I’m trying to find the dirty puppy who somehow snuck into the house after playing in the side-yard mudpile. Did I mention we’ve recently had forty-days-and-forty-nights-of rain?!?
Hmmm…I thought I heard him come in. But then I didn’t hear him. And that sound of silence (Hello, Darkness my old friend. I’ve come to talk with you again...) was my first clue that I was in serious, SERIOUS trouble.
But where to begin? (perhaps the dirty paw prints on the kitchen floor hold a clue)
Is the puppy here? (dirty paw prints on the fireplace and swipe marks on the carpet are my next clue)
How about here? (dried mud spatter-pattern on the coffee table – clearly he paused here long enough to shake mud off his fur)
Maybe…HERE?!? (note weird chameleon effect of once-cream-now-brown dog on brown couch. Perhaps this is why I didn’t immediately spot him. That and he’s lying there vewy, vewy qwietwy. Hey there, Chameleon. Lyin’ there, in the sun. All things to everyone. RUN! RUN AWAY!!!). YOU RAT-BASTARD DOG!!! GET OFF THE COUCH!!!!!!!!!!!
And ‘lest you think the dark fur is because he’s simply…just wet. Let me dissuade you of that notion. Because here he is in a before-and-after-picture: wet and dirty vs. wet and CLEAN!!! In both instances he’s a TOTAL JERK!!!
P.S. Why no, I don’t have a job yet! But thanks for asking. [stink eye, stink eye] But if I ever DO get a job? Remind me that I never, EVER want the “crime scene cleaner” job. I would imagine the blood spatter on the walls, floor, carpet, furniture etc is as much of a sumbitch to clean up as the aftermath of…duh, duh, duhn…The Dirty Puppy Whodunnit!