(Subtitled: YOU RAT BASTARD DOG!!!!!)

It’s been raining for forty days and forty nights here in CO.  (No one gave ME the high-sign to build an ark.  If they had, it would have been built last year and I would be putting the finishing touches on the ark cozy I’m crocheting for the occasion.  Oh, and?  AND I WOULD BE INSIDE THE ARK RIGHT NOW!  WITH A NICE, DRY, CLEAN DOG!!!)

Instead, I’m trying to find the dirty puppy who somehow snuck into the house after playing in the side-yard mudpile.  Did I mention we’ve recently had forty-days-and-forty-nights-of rain?!?

Hmmm…I thought I heard him come in.  But then I didn’t hear him.  And that sound of silence (Hello, Darkness my old friend.  I’ve come to talk with you again...) was my first clue that I was in serious, SERIOUS trouble.

But where to begin? (perhaps the dirty paw prints on the kitchen floor hold a clue)

 
Is the puppy here? (dirty paw prints on the fireplace and swipe marks on the carpet are my next clue)

 
How about here? (dried mud spatter-pattern on the coffee table – clearly he paused here long enough to shake mud off his fur)

Maybe…HERE?!? (note weird chameleon effect of once-cream-now-brown dog on brown couch. Perhaps this is why I didn’t immediately spot him. That and he’s lying there vewy, vewy qwietwy.  Hey there, Chameleon.  Lyin’ there, in the sun.  All things to everyone.  RUN!  RUN AWAY!!!).  YOU RAT-BASTARD DOG!!!  GET OFF THE COUCH!!!!!!!!!!!

And ‘lest you think the dark fur is because he’s simply…just wet.  Let me dissuade you of that notion.  Because here he is in a before-and-after-picture: wet and dirty vs. wet and CLEAN!!!  In both instances he’s a TOTAL JERK!!!

P.S.  Why no, I don’t have a job yet!  But thanks for asking.  [stink eye, stink eye]  But if I ever DO get a job?  Remind me that I never, EVER want the “crime scene cleaner”  job.  I would imagine the blood spatter on the walls, floor, carpet, furniture etc is as much of a sumbitch to clean up as the aftermath of…duh, duh, duhn…The Dirty Puppy Whodunnit!