We’ve already discussed how that one softball mom thinks I look like Mary-Louise Parker, which I find absolutely mind-boggling.
But then just recently? Recently I was poolside at the country club where I met the husband of a tennis teammate who told me I look like that actress…
At which point I chimed in with “Mary-Louise Parker! You wanna buy some weed?! Har, har, har, harrr!!”
Turns out the guy I was talking to was campaigning for State Senate at the time. And he was looking at me warily, like I might be on the verge of producing some paparazzi to take our picture in front of a Pot R’ Us step and repeat. So he had to get ready to…run. Quick like.
After an awkward pause where he’s scooting back a foot or two to a safer location in case the cameras start snapping, and I’m trying to explain about “this softball mom I know,” he begins again with, “You look like that actress…whatshername? Stockard Channing.”
For a bizarre, heart-stopping moment, I thought he meant CHANNING TATUM and was horrified. Yet oddly flattered. I guess if I’m being offered young, buff dude lookalike, then I’ll TAKE young, buff dude lookalike.
But then I realize I’m being offered Rizzo, the leader of the Pink Ladies who’s a good twenty-five years older than I am in real life; not to mention a smoking, drinking, swearing toughie with a “reputation.”
Uhhh…gee, thanks. Somehow? Selling weed to Magic Mike seems a little more appealing.
But, coincidentally, in highschool I was actually IN “Grease.” This is how I know alllll about Rizzo. Of course I was in the total cringeworthy highschool play version of “Grease”; not the made-for-the-silver-screen version with big name stars like Stockard Channing.
I played Cha-Cha DiGregorio. They call me Cha-Cha ‘cause I’m the best dancer at St. Bernadette’s. I was the one who went to the prom with Kenickie, but when Rizzo stole him away from me, I ended up partnering with John Travolta and we won the Hand Jive dance contest. Yay!
But you know what all of that means, don’t you? It means I know me some Hand Jive, Baby!
So while I may NOT have been born to sell weed, or be an actress. Or even be a buff dude. I was…BORN TO HAND JIVE BABY! Slap, slap, clap, clap, over, over, under, under, fist thump, fist thump, thumb back, thumb back. Born to hand jive, BABY! [big finale] BOOOOORN TO HAND JIVE, BAAABBY!!!