Hand Jive

We’ve already discussed how that one softball mom thinks I look like Mary-Louise Parker, which I find absolutely mind-boggling.

But then just recently?  Recently I was poolside at the country club where I met the husband of a tennis teammate who told me I look like that actress…

At which point I chimed in with “Mary-Louise Parker!  You wanna buy some weed?!  Har, har, har, harrr!!”

Turns out the guy I was talking to was campaigning for State Senate at the time.  And he was looking at me warily, like I might be on the verge of producing some paparazzi to take our picture in front of a Pot R’ Us step and repeat.  So he had to get ready to…run.  Quick like.

After an awkward pause where he’s scooting back a foot or two to a safer location in case the cameras start snapping, and I’m trying to explain about “this softball mom I know,”  he begins again with, “You look like that actress…whatshername?  Stockard Channing.”

For a bizarre, heart-stopping moment, I thought he meant CHANNING TATUM and was horrified.  Yet oddly flattered.  I guess if I’m being offered young, buff dude lookalike, then I’ll TAKE young, buff dude lookalike.

But then I realize I’m being offered Rizzo, the leader of the Pink Ladies who’s a good twenty-five years older than I am in real life; not to mention a smoking, drinking, swearing toughie with a “reputation.”

Uhhh…gee, thanks.  Somehow?  Selling weed to Magic Mike seems a little more appealing.

But, coincidentally, in highschool I was actually IN “Grease.”  This is how I know alllll about Rizzo.  Of course I was in the total cringeworthy highschool play version of “Grease”; not the made-for-the-silver-screen version with big name stars like Stockard Channing.

played Cha-Cha DiGregorio.  They call me Cha-Cha ‘cause I’m the best dancer at St. Bernadette’s.  I was the one who went to the prom with Kenickie, but when Rizzo stole him away from me, I ended up partnering with John Travolta and we won the Hand Jive dance contest.  Yay!

But you know what all of that means, don’t you?  It means I know me some Hand Jive, Baby!

So while I may NOT have been born to sell weed, or be an actress.  Or even be a buff dude.  I was…BORN TO HAND JIVE BABY!  Slap, slap, clap, clap, over, over, under, under, fist thump, fist thump, thumb back, thumb back.  Born to hand jive, BABY! [big finale] BOOOOORN TO HAND JIVE, BAAABBY!!! 


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