Last evening we were on our way to the final Kid Book Club meeting at school. Sonny was sitting in the front seat getting up close and personal with three bouquets of daffodils, one for each group leader, as our thank you to them for putting up with the lunacy.
We pull out of the driveway and start heading out of the ‘hood when Sonny says, “Hey Mom. These flowers smell like your breath! Originally I thought it WAS your breath. But then the smell went on and on and I realized it was the flowers. Which smell like your breath.”
I’ll just let you sit with that for a sec…
Yep, still sitting….
You also were stunned into silence, weren’t you?
Because if you’re like me (Twinsies in the HOUSE!) you think that daffodils smell like Spring. Initially. But the more you keep smelling them, the more you realize that they ACTUALLY smell like spring flowers a dog pee’d on.
So, in order to find out if my son thought my breath smells more like spring – or more like DOG PEE – I voiced my theory on what daffodils smell like.
Sonny’s response? “Yeah…I agree. But in the case of your breath, it’s not as heavy on the Spring as what you were just saying.”
Oh. My. LORD!!!!!
All this time my breath has smelled like PEE (heavy on the PEE, apparently) and no one told me?!? I hate you all! Why did I have to wait until my son turned 11 and was holding daffodils before I ever heard about my breath from anyone??!? WHY?!??!!!!!
Stung and wanting to lash out at someone else, and now thinking of dogs, I adult-ly said, “Yeah? Well…YEAH?? Well, I think the DOG’S mouth smells like FISH CHOWDER when you kiss him. At least my mouth doesn’t smell like FISH CHOWDER! It smells like FLOWERS!!!”
The kids were silent after that. I’m not sure if it’s because they wanted me to just stop clouding up the car with my PEE BREATH, already? Or if it’s because MY breath sometimes smells like FISH CHOWDER when you kiss me too!!!!?
Ugh. Sigh. Come up close to the screen so I can exhale right at YOU. A full, deep-throated exhale so you get gassed by the fumes for not telling me already about the way things are with me.
President Snow and I have more in common than I initially realized. So even though I’m a stay at home mom and he’s the president of Panem, responsible for the Hunger Games and completely FICTIONAL, we both have signature flowers. His signature flower is a rose, which he pins on his lapel in order to cover up the stench of death coming from the unhealable sores in his mouth. My signature flower? A daffodil. Which I will now begin carrying around so as to cover up the smell of dog pee (or possibly fish chowder) coming from my mouth. Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh [that’s me breathing on you]
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh [still breathing on you]
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh [yep, still breathing on you]