“Come out, Virginia. Don’t let me wait. You Cath-o-lic girls start much too late.”
(I’ll award bonus points if you can name the artist and song title that go with these lyrics…as long as you don’t breathe a word to anyone about the song being from the late 70’s instead of the early 80’s; ’cause that would ruin it for EVERYONE if you did that. So don’t.)
Anywhoooo…how come no one ever writes songs about Catholic BOYS?!? Puzzling, no?
Well, songs or not, I’m here to put in a good word for the Catholic boys. My son being one. [And I realize that this particular blog post has quite possibly devolved into only stuff I find funny, but I’m gonna go there anyway.]
Here is what a Catholic school boy does with his left-over, end-of-year school supplies. (see pic)
Please note how the bottom of the ruler has been sharpened on the curb. But at least it’s being put to good use as a cross rather than a prison yard shiv. Hopefully we’ll never go “there”…but we’re ready with our mad skilllzz in case we do.
Also, if it hasn’t been mentioned before, I just wanted to mention now that this is the last week of school. And as a special treat, for the last week of school, my son’s class gets to rearrange their desks to sit with a friend or two. They also get to name this new group they’ve created. My son and his friends named their group “The Gay Nerds.”
ME: (out loud) “Oh. My. Gawd! What?? WHAT?!??! WHERE DID YOU GET THAT NAME?? Did the teacher APPROVE this?? She couldn’t POSSIBLY have APPROVED THIS!!!”
(and in my head) Is this how I find out? IS THIS HOW I FIND OUT?? Is this THE TALK??? ARE WE HAVING TALK RIGHT NOW??!?! Wait. WHAT talk are we having?? What talk is this that we’re having?? I think we’re having a talk about something but I’m not sure what talk we’re having. No. He’s in THIRD GRADE! We’re not having a talk about ANYTHING!
SONNY: “Mom, you’re over-reacting. We named ourselves that. So it’s ok. No one called us that. We chose that.”
ME: “But Sweetie, DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?!?”
SONNY: “We like games.”
ME: “Wait. What?! What’s the name of your group again??”
SONNY: “I told you already. The GAME Nerds.”
Oh. Ok. Phew! Carry on.
But now they’ve added more boys to their group and this bigger group voted to change their name. They’re now calling themselves the “Knights of Christ.” And they carry around homemade-shiv-ruler-crosses in the belt buckle loops of their shorts. Not sure what they’re doing with those. Patrolling the prison yard…er…playground for ne’er-do-wells in a Colorado Catholic school boy version of the New York City Subway’s Guardian Angels?!?
Wait! I just got clarification from the other room. Turns out it’s NOT a cross. It’s a SWORD. Ugh. I don’t think SWORDS are allowed at school!!!
Now, to understand my son a bit better and not think he’s some super-violent kid (SWORDS?!? Oh, Lord.) you need to know that this is the same boy who lets the swim coach call him Cameron (sooooo not his name) because he doesn’t want to hurt the coach’s feelings by correcting him. Instead, he’s just started answering to the name Cameron and taking all swim instruction directed thereto.
So even though WE know your heart’s in the right place, my Gay Nerd Knight of Christ – please, please, please don’t inadvertently get kicked out for bringing a deadly weapon to school. We only have one more day to go! Hang in there.
Also? Mystery solved. THIS is why there are no songs about Catholic Boys!!!