Serve It Up On A Platter

I had the weirdest dream last night.  I was having a dinner party at my house and had invited the entire cast of the Real Housewives of New Jersey.  In an alternate universe I could actually BE one of them and/or be FRIENDS with all of them.  Maybe that’s why I invited them to dinner?  Either way we all knew eachother and they gave me air kisses when they came in so it was fine and absolutely nothing out of the ordinary.

But when each of them arrived at the door, I discovered that they all brought along a husband or sister or mother or friend.  And my anxiety level escalated because I had committed the fatal error of only making eight mini quiches for dinner.  Gaaah!  What a stupid thing to do!  Mini quiches??  There’s no way to stretch those!  Why would I DO that?!  Why would I do THAT?!? 

Also, at one point in the proceedings I found one of the mini quiches carefully set to the side because it had a LONG, BLACK HAIR sitting on it!  I put my money on Teresa Giudice as the hair-er then the setter-asider, but when I went to pull the hair off and put the quiche back out to eat, I realized the hair wasn’t resting on top, but was BAKED INTO the quiche.  GAAAAAH!  Make that SEVEN quiches now for about twenty people!!!

To make matters worse, we had just moved into the house and all of my serving dishes and platters were still packed in the basement.  The former owners had left a bunch of platters behind as well.  Their platters were all dusty which had, in turn, gotten MY platters all dusty.  And which made me think that their platters had been in the basement so long that they had completely forgotten that they even HAD these platters.  The platters were REALLY NICE by the way.  So as I was wiping off EVERY SINGLE platter with a dishcloth, I found myself wondering if I should TELL the former owners that they had forgotten a bunch of platters…or if I should just keep them as their price for being stupid and forgetful.  Enter moral dilemma.  Also?  Where’s the sink in here?  Is there a sink in here??  Why would I put a bunch of kitchen stuff in the basement with no sink?!?  And why am I doing dishes with a houseful of people upstairs that I’m supposed to be serving dinner to?!??  This is really…POOR…PLANNING!  I NEVER do this!  I ALWAYS have everything ready to go when I have a dinner party.  Why would I lose my marbles at THIS dinner party and be so half-a$$ed about it??  But more importantly, I realize that I stupidly put the drinks table down here where I’m wiping off platters and no one has disturbed my platter-process for the last half hour which means: A) Hubby is just standing in the foyer chatting with people and not offering them drinks and B) people are not getting DRUNK and getting people drunk was going to be my saving grace since I only had SEVEN quiches for them to eat.

So I hustle upstairs and tug on Hubby’s sleeve, “Hi.  Hi.  Yep, I’m super glad you’re having fun at my lame dinner party.  But could you please OFFER PEOPLE DRINKS!  NOW!!!  LOTS OF THEM??!!!”  And as I’m going back downstairs to further sort out the platters, I say hi to Joe Giudice, compliment his shoes and then notice that he’s standing on a green indoor/outdoor rug runner on the basement stairs – and that the runner is total crap.  Why wouldn’t I have ripped that UP before I had this party.  But now I know what they mean when they refer to “threadbare carpet” in books.  Good Lord this thing is WORN and SHABBY as all get out!  [Enter real life stair project.  It’s even in my DREAMS!]

Then suddenly it’s dessert time and I’m still wiping down platters – this time to put the cannoli and wedding cookies on that everyone brought.  All of the sweets are still in their deli containers.  Why don’t I just LEAVE them in their containers, set them out, and be DONE with the platters already?!?  Someone’s mother has wandered downstairs looking for the drinks table and I’m kinda p.o.’d about it because now she’s gonna see all the dirty platters.  Also?  I haven’t even STARTED cutting up the strawberries for the strawberry shortcake that I had planned for dessert.  Worst.  Dinner.  EVER!  Mini quiches and strawberry shortcake for a bunch of Italian people??      

She tells me people are starting to leave upstairs so I go running back up yep, threadbare alright and find that there is so much food EVERYWHERE!!  Half-eaten antipasto platters.  Caprese salad with wilted basil leaves on top.  Pasta. 

Hubby is seeing the last person out the door.  I catch a glimpse of a fur coat.  Fur??  It’s August in Colorado.  Why would I EVER be friends with you whoever you are leaving my dinner party??

I ask, “Who brought all this FOOD?”  Hubby thumbs at the closed door indicating that all of the departed guests did.  Like I said, worst dinner ever.  Mini quiches, pasta, cannoli and strawberry shortcake.  Where was the THEME?!?  I always have a THEME.  What is going ON?!? 

Then the t.v. downstairs starts blaring and I wake up. 

Dream interpreters around the world, unite!  And please tell me what PLATTERS represent in Dream Land.  Because that dream with all the platters?  That was AWFUL!  And does anyone else think that the word “platter” sounds weird if you say it too many times??  Platter.  Platter.  Platter…