Real Housewives of Colorado

I woke up early and made scones for the children.  Blueberry and chocolate chip.  It’s what we stay at home moms do (shhh…it was one of those purchases from WalMart I mentioned that I didn’t know I wanted or needed, but turns out I did and do; 13-18 minutes until lightly browned).

And — I have a big announcement.  Wait for it.  Wait for it………..….I have a carpool!  Another first!!  I’m almost giddy with excitement.  We now live in a neighborhood that includes another family whose kids attend the same (private, parochial) school as mine do.  Have I jumped into the stay at home mom pool head first or what?  My kids go to school and I don’t have to take them there every morning.  I can share that duty with someone else.  Prior to this, there was no carpooling because of my work schedule and needing to be flexible to accommodate it.

So, the carpool mom (who works!) picked the kids up at 7:15 am.  How decadent!  My husband is off to work.  My kids are off to school and I didn’t have to take them there and then rush over to work with a million things-to-do running through my head.  There was no yelling or screaming about being late, being dressed, being fed, having lunches, having teeth brushed, having backpacks, water bottles and homework.

I find myself standing in the driveway waving good-bye as the carpool drives down the street.  I’m in my exercise clothes because I didn’t want the working mom to see me in my pj’s and think less of me.  But now what?  Is it just my imagination or do I hear a roaring in my ears similar to the sound of the big ocean in the little seashell?!

I’m thinking I could go for a 10k run and be done and showered all by 9 a.m.  Then I blink my eyes and it’s 9:30 and I’m having a second breakfast and still haven’t gone running.  What the frick??

So I do finally go for a run (note – 4 cups of coffee are too many to consume prior to a 6.2 mile run so you have to work them out of your system first).

And I’m showered and on my way by 11:30!  Ok 2 ½ hours after I wanted to be showered and on my way, but who knows or cares.  I actually “swing by” the pediatrician’s office to pick up medication paperwork for school.  Prior to this I would have thought picking up paper copies anywhere was an antiquated approach.  But now…I have TIME to do that sort of thing!!!

I hang out with the school office ladies for a bit while I’m making copies of said paperwork and we all compliment each other on our cute summer haircuts.  Then I run a bunch of errands (the errands sit in the front passenger seat of the car multiplying like rabbits.  I never knew I had so many or that they’d keep coming.  It seems like an endless supply.  Which is ok because have I mentioned that I have TIME?!?).

My cousin – whom I had actually told about my job take (I refuse to call it loss) – had mentioned in a recent conversation that I need to get started with my GTL efforts once the kids go back to school.  It’s what stay at home moms do.  Gym. Tan. Lunch.  In my cousin’s fantasy version, the lunching takes place at the country club with alcoholic beverages being consumed.

So, being thoughtful and low-pressure, she texts me on Day 2 to ask how it’s going as one of the Real Housewives of Colorado (did I mention I live in Colorado?  Now I’ve got my mom all panicked because I’m revealing too much personal info.  Just please don’t ask for my social security #.  Or stalk me.  That’s got “I told you so” written all over it.)

Thus ensues the following text exchange…

ME:    Let’s see…I went running outside this a.m. so that’s the exercise & tanning in one fell swoop.  And I had a bean burrito at Del Taco between errands so that covers all 3 things, right?  Somehow it doesn’t seem as glamorous as u made it sound!!!

COUSIN:   I think you’re doing it wrong.  And you missed the mojitos at the country club.

ME:   I should be wearing a bikini doing some of this, shouldn’t I??

COUSIN:  I think you added that.  No need for additional pressure.

ME:  Good point. Just wish there were a pamphlet I could get from the OB/GYN’s office so I could read up on all of this!!

COUSIN: Maybe your mom could send you a newspaper clipping.  I know mine would.

[my mother and my cousin’s mother are sisters and therefore have a very similarly scary approach to rearing children who are now all in their 30’s and 40’s]

ME:  Yes, excellent call.  I’ll get her right on it.

COUSIN:  And she will feel good about being helpful.  Win win.

ME:  And I might also get a recipe for 3 ingredient brownies-u-can-bake-in-a-mug as well as some articles on how I caused my children’s peanut allergies.  So I’ll be fully informed on all topics.

COUSIN:  So there’s that.  But then I can send you newspaper clippings on how to get over the lunacy of those that birthed you.

–end string—

Come to think of it, my mother and her sister were both stay at home moms.  And I turned out all right.  This will be fine.  Totally fine.  I won’t mess my kids up or anything by being a stay at home mom.

Also, I now fully anticipate receiving an envelope filled with clippings on all of the above as well as a few clippings on how people have turned their blogging into full time careers.  No note will be included.  Just a little smiley face on the back of the envelope.  So I will know it’s sent with love.  And not sent by a robot in a newspaper clipping factory.

Hi, Mom!