Mad Skillz

Sissy was recently the President of the Netherlands.  She originally applied for the President of Russia – for which her sole qualification (lifted directly from her resume) was “I like cookies.”


On the surface, it’s a puzzling and confusing statement which reminds me of that time when Sonny was about three and would randomly, apropos nothing, announce to strangers that he “liked guys.”  This would necessitate us saying into the stunned silence that followed, “He means superhero figures.  He likes superhero figures, which he calls ‘guys’.  In fact, he’s going through a Hawkeye phase right now.  And he’s hoping to get Hawkeye for his birthday.”  You can bet your bippy I stopped saying that anxious, rambling part about Hawkeye when I realized it sounded like HOT GUY which only made the whole situation even more uncomfortable.

Anyway, by way of explanation on the Sissy-front, this job thing is all part of an extra-curricular activity her class participates in.  When she was in 6th grade, it was called Ameritowne* and required her class to run a fictional town in the United States for the day.  Sissy was a fitness trainer for that experience because she wanted to play the Xbox in the “fitness center” where she “worked.”

Now that she’s in 7th grade, the whole program takes on a more international flavor and is called International Towne.*  The students are required to rule the world for a day having first spent weeks of preparation identifying jobs they’d be good at, then developing resumes, interviewing for the jobs and undergoing specialized job “training.”  During the final fieldtrip, they got the chance to put their new skills into practice in a variety of “countries” around the globe, all while wearing the signature hats of their assigned nations.  The chaperones all agreed our dearest wish was that there were no lice in those fun hats.  The students spend the day importing and exporting products, trying not to drive their countries into debt, traveling around “the world” getting their passports stamped, following the laws they created (doing jazz hands every time you walked past Germany was a big hit) and on and on.  In the afternoon, there was even an “international incident” where Latin American lost all its electricity.

Originally, for the International Towne effort, Sissy wanted to be president of Russia because that’s where they make and sell cookies as the “product” which they “export” duh!  Instead, she ended up being President of Netherlands, which was still a great job.  The Netherlands was basically the international police force and Sissy therefore got to be Chief Justice.  She even had an olde tyme curled English barrister wig she could wear to pass her rulings.  Good Lord I hope there were no lice in that wig!  Her winning qualifications for that job, in her own words?  “I like to tell my brother what to do.” 

So…if 6th and 7th graders can get jobs that they love and are good at, why am I having such a tough time finding something that matches my mad skillz?!  And I’ve STOPPED doing that whole shtick where I say “A MILLION DOLLARS!” and bring my pinkie to the corner of my mouth when they ask me my salary requirements.  I said I STOPPED doing that.  That wasn’t getting me anywhere, so it can’t be THAT because I’m not doing that any more.  I stopped.

My conclusion: maybe I’ve been playing the job search game TOO well, trying to be all things to all people.  Hedging my bets and as a result, looking like a jack of all trades, master of none.  Maybe I just need to lay my key strengths on the line??  Just really put them out there and hope for the best?!? 

So here goes:  I like to tell people what to do.  And?  I like cookies.  And?  Hot guys.

There.  Am I hired?!!


*As a side note, both Ameritowne and International Towne are PHENOMENAL programs.  They are developed and run by the Young Americans Center in Denver, CO and they give middle school students the opportunity to learn very practical skills which they put into practice in a simulated setting located at the Young Americans Bank.  And yes, the bank is an actual bank where students who want to start their own businesses can get loans.  International Towne is upstairs from the bank and is set up like a bunch of countries from around the globe.  Ameritowne is across the hall from International Towne and is set up like a Main Street, Small Town U.S.A.  In both settings, the kids get paid “salaries” to do “jobs” and they learn how to write checks and use “debit cards” without overdrawing their accounts.  See?  PHENOMENAL!  Snap, snap, snap.  Just want to give snaps where snaps are due.  Also?  We’re pretty sure there are no lice there.  So that’s a plus as well.