My days roar with silence (I’ve gotta start playing some music during the day. In fact, more 80’s music oughta do the trick. 80’s songs will always cure what ails ya! Plus they make you 16 again with awesome hair and cute clothes.); So much silence in fact that I’ve begun to consider the chats I have with the kids during the car ride home from school to be the highlight of the day. These little humans are truly scintillating conversationalists!
To prove the point, I present to you The Conversation From The Car Ride Home Today:
SON: (pointing to the ripped dude riding his bike without a shirt on. Hey! It’s Colorado!! There’s lots of topless bike riding going on. Not by me, to be clear. But it’s hot and sunny – kills two birds with one stone – so I can totally understand the thought process.) “Wow! Look at that guy’s six pack!”
ME: “Six pack? Did you just say six pack? How do you know what a six pack is? What is a six pack??”
SON: “It’s those bumps that you get on your stomach.”
ME: [in my head] Hey! I’ve got bumps on my stomach. Maybe I also have a six pack and didn’t know it.
DAUGHTER: “Daddy doesn’t have a six pack. He just has a belly…that’s kindof round.”
ME: [in my head] And so does Mommy, so we’re even. Evenly matched. A match made in Heaven! Wuv, twew wuv.
SON: “The hulk also has a six pack…but his is more like a thirteen pack.”
DAUGHTER: “No, he wouldn’t have a thirteen pack because that wouldn’t be even. That would look weird. It’s probably either a twelve pack or just a really big six pack.”
ME: [in my head] Excellent point, Daughter. I wonder if the Hulk’s wife (Mrs. Hulk?) also has a twelve pack? But how would we know because she probably wears a blouse and skirt instead of those weird pants that are all shredded at the bottom. Gween wuv twew wuv!
At which point the conversation droned on and on about other superheros with various packs vs. actual humans with no packs and I was forced to turn on the radio. As luck would have it, Girls Just Wanna Have Fun was on.
ME: [in my head] Why yes, yes we do! And doesn’t my hair look great? It really shows off this cute outfit.