I got a haircut recently. Take a look! Isn’t it fantastic?!
No, you’re right, not so much. Actually, not at all.
WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO MY HAIR?!!?
When Hubby, the Master of Understatement, FINALLY agreed that something “wasn’t right” about it, we tried to recreate the scene of the crime and find out where my haircut had gone horribly, horribly wrong.
Me: “But I went to the place where you always go. And I got the guy-with-the-thinning ponytail you get. So I’m not sure what happened. Also? I showed him the picture of Bethany’s new haircut so he knew what I was looking for.” The Bethany in question here is Bethany Frankel from the Real Housewives of New York. And in case you don’t watch all my favorite shows (although why you wouldn’t, I don’t know), here’s a pic of what I was looking for in my latest do. And while we can’t see from this picture what the back looks like, I’m pretty sure it doesn’t look like it got caught in the garbage disposal the way mine does.
Hubby: pointing to his completely bald head made that way by his cryptic (and overly math-y) request for a Number Zero, “This is what I get from the guy with the thinning ponytail. This is what he’s good at.”
Me: “Oh. Well…I wish I’d known that sooner because this is the WORST haircut I’ve ever gotten!!!”
Hubby: after a big pause and head tilt reminiscent of the dog waiting for some bacon, politely says, “No, it’s not the WORST haircut you’ve ever gotten. The WORST one was that one you got in Central Pennsylvania at Ricky Roos; the one that made you look like Keith Partridge.”
Me: “First off, the place was called Randy Rick’s and secondly, gaaah that WAS the worst haircut! I TOTALLY looked like Keith Partridge!!! But that was my own dumb fault because I should’ve known that haircut was gonna go badly. The chick cutting my hair had her OWN wack hairdo which made her look like that red-haired-monster-who-plays-beauty-parlor with Bugs Bunny in that Mad Scientist episode.”
And in case you don’t know who Keith or the Red Haired Monster are because you’re still not watching my fave t.v. shows despite my fair warning above, I’ve included some pictures below for your viewing pleasure.
For the record, I did NOT overstate the heinousness of the Keith Partridge/Red Haired Monster haircut. It was all (unfortunately) true. The. WORST. Haircut. Ever.
The one I just got recently? The head-in-a-blender one?? Second Worst.
Which brings me to my closing argument: Beware the state of hair of the person GIVING the haircut. It has EVERYTHING to do with how your haircut’s gonna go down. So beware! Unless you WANT to look like Keith Partridge, that is.
That salon employee must have been on drugs! I could have done better than that without the 6 month beauty school to become a professional in this trade. Maybe he never went to beauty school….you should ask him to see his official certificate. You know, the one with the raised seal? I bet he doesn’t have one. Or, he hasn’t been keeping up on his continuing educ. credits. You need to go back and demand a “fix” for this major drug indused failure!! And ask for a different stylist. Ugh! Good luck friend!!
I did go back. I made Hubby come with me (only because he refused to call the salon and ask if the stylist was on duty first). We had to low-ride by the front of the shop first but couldn’t tell who was inside. So Hubby walked in, looked around, then came back out to assure me that the thinning ponytail wasn’t there. Thinning ponytail’s manager ended up fixing the damage. But now it’s waaaay shorter than I wanted! Grrrrr….