NOW?!? You’re asking me for my most embarrassing moment NOW??? You could’ve asked me YESTERDAY and I woulda trotted out my hilarious story about a breast pump and a software training class where the instructor thought I said, “Come and take a seat,” and therefore hustled on over when what I REALLY said was, “Can I have some privacy?!”
But TODAY?!? Today it’s a whole different story that ends with, “Parent on the court…TECHNICAL FOUL!”
Before we get there, though, let me mention that Thursday, Sissy got this thing in her mouth called a Herbst Appliance. It’s meant to correct her overbite and it looks exactly like a twin set of Swannington Incline Engines complete with piston valves. I’m not even joking. And if you don’t know anything about the Swannington thingy I just mentioned, then you’ll just have to picture a horrific torture device-looking appliance in her mouth which actually made a classmate CRY yesterday as Sissy was displaying it because the whole scene gives off a Cyborg Jaw vibe.
So, anyway, we’re in the final minute of Sissy’s basketball tournament game today. A swirl of activity passes around Sissy and she’s left standing at the top of the key, holding her throat using the international sign for choking. Her head is jerking up and back rhythmically. This continues for a full thirty seconds while all THREE refs on the court allow the game to play on. My husband and I are yelling that there’s a player hurt, yet the game continues. At that point, I’m convinced that something terrible has happened; perhaps a piston has come loose in Sissy’s mouth and is blocking her throat which means she’s gonna face plant to the floor from lack of oxygen and let fly with the other piston. So I go running down the bleachers, on to the court and throw my arms around her, ready to support her in case her knees give way, yelling all the while to the refs, “This player is hurt!! STOP PLAY!!!!”
Turns out she got an opponent’s wild elbow to the larynx and couldn’t draw breath. So…no broken piston? But still. The game continued on for WAY too long with a player hurt. Surely one or more of the refs – whose priority should be to ensure the safety of the players – could have noticed.
Anyway, I held Sissy for a few more seconds until she was able to draw breath again, then she looked up wild-eyed, realized her MOTHER was on the COURT and HOLDING HER in front of EVERYONE!!! So she SHOVED ME away, all the while GLARING at me and furiously whispering, “WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!?!”
Oh, no reason other than I thought you had metal clogging your throat. I see now that you don’t, so I’ll be leaving. Exit, stage left even.
So me, my hot pink sweater and my leopard print shoes mustered our dignity and walked off the court, the closest ref staring me down the whole way. Once I passed him he called, “Parent on the court…TECHNICAL FOUL!” The opposing team actually MADE the resulting free-throw which tied the game in the last few seconds of regulation play and the whole thing went to overtime.
Oopsie. Not many parents were meeting my eye after that, although a few moms did agree with me that a mother’s heart trumps all ref calls. Yeah. Yeah it does. I even got a low, sliding five from one mom for that. Hubby on the other hand told me to shut it, sit quietly for the rest of the game and…DON’T MOVE.
But Sissy’s team won. Phew! More parents were meeting my eye after that. During the last few minutes of overtime, Sissy personally drew the fifth foul from at least three opposing players causing them to leave the game completely. She also made two more free throws and one more basket. An elbow in the larynx inspires you to greatness, I guess.
And she IS great. In fact, she was great BEFORE that whole parent-on-the-court-technical-foul biz went down. She’s a great athlete. AND she’s absolutely a great person. I’m proud to know her and to call her mine. Bet SHE never had a most embarrassing moment. If she did, I can’t imagine what it would be. Can’t. Even. Imagine…
That is hilarious!! Glad I’ve known you through your two most embarrassing moments. Love you and your sense of humor my dear.
Thanks, Nice Lady, love you too! And do you remember that business meeting in Oregon where the hotel LOST all of my pumped breastmilk which they had been storing in the kitchen freezer…and then FOUND it and delivered it into the middle of our meeting?!? So that makes THREE most embarrassing moments you’ve known me through. It’s just weird that two pertain to breastmilk.
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