Field Trip

Hey!  Turns out there IS something worse than dealing with the unemployment compensation agency.  And that “something” is going on a 3rd grade field trip to the Museum of Nature and Science.

It all started last night when my son explained to me that they got to pick their own field trip groups.  And that he tried really hard to get some girls, but they were all “tooken” by the time it was his turn to pick.  So his group of 5 was comprised of all boys.  Or monkeys depending on how you look at it.  But thanks for trying to get some feminine balance of power in there for me, Sweetie!

Waaaaaay too much free time in the museum today.  In between lunch and the planetarium show, it was just free-time.  Hours and hours and HOURS of free time.

And when we have that much free time, we all tend to get anxious.  Take the boy who stuck close to me and wasn’t as monkey-ish as the rest in the group.  He was totally anxious about the time – all day long.  Even after I had proven that I could get them where they needed to be, ON TIME!  He just kept asking over and over, “is it time to go to the planetarium yet?”  and “how much longer until we should head towards the planetarium?” or “how about the bus ride home?  When do we need to get on the bus home??”

Ugh!  Enough with the questions about time.  After about the 23rd one, we came to an understanding that in today’s play, I would star as the chaperone who was totally keeping an eye on the time and he would play the part of the boy who was just having fun and enjoying himself on his field trip with his friends.  There was a subtle nuance to his role in that he was ALSO playing the part of the boy who was going to ask Santa for a watch for Christmas.

And yes.  Yes.  An 8 year old boy’s nose WILL bleed 15 minutes into the dinosaur exhibit especially if 1) getting to a bathroom means another 10 minute rush-walk out the other end of the exhibit 2) there are no tissues anywhere on God’s green earth or in the Museum of Nature and Science and 3) HE’S BEEN PICKING HIS NOSE ALL DAY!!!

Perhaps HE was playing the role of the mummy embalmer (the boys grossed themselves out over in the ancient Egypt Exhibit) who pulled brains out through noses?!  And I’m not even going to mention the extraordinarily weird one-off conversation I had with the Ear-Nose-Throat doctor in that same mummification section who felt it was necessary to describe in detail to me the way that he worked (past tense since he’s retired naturally and now spending his days at the museum BOTHERING ME!!!) with neurosurgeons  to remove pituitary glands.  The description came with “close talking” and overly descriptive finger pointing.

Perhaps the museum is actually located in another dimension where the weirdest stuff on earth happens?  And that’s why it takes so long to get there in the seen-better-days Greyhound bus??  (No, boys.  I know the candy is still wrapped.  And I agree, they DO look like a perfectly good Butterfinger and Baby Ruth bars, but if you found them on the windowsill of this bus – DO NOT EAT THEM!!).

There was some reprieve in the “Discovery Zone” section of the museum, but it was way too short-lived.  And the whole time I had to keep an eagle eye on the worker WEARING the hissing cockroach on her cardigan like a jaunty brooch.   And based on all the crazy stuff the boys were touching and sniffing (??) in there, they’re all gonna get rhinorrhea shortly.

Also, the kids are studying Native Americans and the museum did have a nice little Native American exhibit going on, so we were able to get a little “research” in while we were there.  But that mostly consisted of everyone running through the life-size Navajo hogan.  And gawking at all the stuff you can make with buffalo bones.

At the end of the day I’m sure all the boys went home and told their mothers what a mean mother my son has.  Well – let them see what kind of rave reviews they get when THEY star as the chaperone in the next field trip play!

At least I didn’t fall asleep in the back of the bus like one of the other mothers.  And that was only after she had broken the rules about buying the kids in her group something.  She bought them all chocolate.  And she bought herself a coffee from the cafeteria.  Really?!  I didn’t even know there was a gift shop or a cafeteria.  I was too busy being run ragged by monkeys to go SHOPPING!  And SHE has the nerve to fall asleep??  She’s for sure not gonna win any Oscars for her chaperone portrayal.

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