You gotta be a real self-starter in this job. You gotta get it done when you want it done, otherwise it doesn’t get done.
Take, for example, finding my exercise watch. Still haven’t. But the point is that no one else is going to find it for me. No one else cares that it’s lost. And in all honesty, I had forgotten about finding it until I had to find it again this a.m. Now I remember that I was supposed to find it yesterday.
Speaking of yesterday, I was antsy all morning. I couldn’t figure out why until I realized that in order to consider my day a “success” I felt like I had to get up and bust out of the house running (literally and figuratively), rather than toodling around the house the whole a.m. So in order to overcome this issue, I spent the morning just being at home, living in the moment and trying not to feel like I had to GO and DO! (Roll your eyes if you must, but this is a journey of discovery that I’m documenting. And yes, roll your eyes again at the “journey of discovery” comment.)
So I – along with every tween girl in America who hasn’t gone back to school yet – baked a batch of cookies. I never did get to the store (refer to self-starter section above), so I used the two eggs left in the fridge that expired 2 days ago. I figured I’d eat a cookie when they cooled and I’d give it several hours. If I wasn’t sick in some way after that, the kids could eat them too. Plus, I read that the egg expiration date is just some wacky planned obsolescence theory cooked up by that industry so that people will buy more eggs, and that in reality eggs are good WAY past their “expiration date.” I hope I didn’t get that theory all scrambled (get it? Me funny. Hardy har har) Don’t worry, the rest of this blog will go over easy after that first egg joke. (get it? Me even funnier!)
I also didn’t really have the requisite amount of chocolate chips. So I had to cobble together enough chips from a bag of milk chocolate chips (about a 1/2 cup – and not even close to expiring), white chocolate chips (about another 1/2 cup – expired 10 days ago), and then 3/4 cup of Andes chocolate mint pieces that expired 11 months ago (why do I still even HAVE them in my pantry after an entire house move?!?). This whole time my mother’s New Hampshire accent was ringing in my head: Use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without! Aha! That’s why I still have the chocolate mint pieces in my pantry!!
Working under the premise that EVERY industry subscribes to the egg industry’s planned obsolescence theory, I took the expiration dates as gentle guidelines and made the cookies anyway. Note to self: check supplies before jumping into cookie expedition! But my hard-boiled approach to life will get me through every time (ok, I’ll stop now).
In the midst of the cookie extravaganza, I kept panicking about missing my 1:10 appointment with my son’s teacher. I’d be engrossed with the current project only to think “Shit! What time is it?!” quickly followed by a glance at the clock. Whew! It’s only 10:07. I’ve got plenty of time.
When I was all done making the batter, I remembered how much I hate to stand there with my little teaspoonful placing plugs of dough on acres and acres of cookie sheets, so I did pan cookies. How innovative! What a fresh approach to the traditional cookie!!
I took a taste when they had cooled sufficiently and aside from thinking that I should have used ALL expired mint chips since it only tasted vaguely minty but in the process made the rest of the chips redundant – I was fine. No stomach aches or anything!
Shit! What time is it?! Whew – it’s only 10:34. I have plenty of time.
I also did a wash. Well – I did two washes. One wash was the stuff that had been in the dryer for two days but hadn’t dried all the way and therefore smelled slightly “off.” The other wash was an actual wash.
In addition, I got all the a.m. dishes done in the a.m. Imagine my feeling of success as I’m standing there with cookies cooling on the rack, the scent of cookies in the air and the cookie dishes swishing around in the dishwasher. Rock on!
Shit! What time is it?! 11:00 on the money. Whew! I have plenty of time. But judging by the clock, it could now be considered late morning so I got dressed. In the same clothes I had worn the day before. Hey! It was a cute outfit!! And I was going to see a totally different group of people from the day before, so it was fine. I always have a plan. Never question the plan.
Sat in the sun for a bit and read my Nook. Decided that sunlight was the perfect light to use with my magnifying mirror to pluck the crap out of my eyebrows.
Shit! Blah blah blah?! 11:42. Couldn’t take the stress of waiting anymore so I and my red-yet-oddly-denuded brow left the house plenty early for the teacher meeting. Had time to spare in fact so I swung by the sports store to get my new sneakers. See self-starter note above.