Ok. We’ve already clarified that I don’t have a job. [Thanks for bringing it up! stink eye, stink eye] But I continue to look. Because that’s what I am. I’m a looker. Hee-hee-hee. And I found this gem-of-a-job recently, and I wanted to share it with you:
Marketing Communications Manager/Writer
Hmmm…that sounds interesting. And hey, I write! Like right now. Writing…still writing….still…ok, you get the idea. Lemme check it out.
Location: Denver, CO
Good. That’s near me.
Employee Type: Full-Time
I like full-time employee types. I’ll keep reading.
Industry: Other
Wow. That sounds like a big industry. Maybe something in outerspace with aliens? Could be fun.
Job Type: Marketing
I could TOTALLY market stuff to aliens in outerspace. Unless this is more of a marketing FOR aliens; as in “going to the outerspace Piggly-Wiggly on behalf of aliens.” If it’s THAT sort of marketing, then no. I’m not up for that. But it’s probably not that Piggly-Wiggly version. So I’ll keep reading.
Manages Others: Unknown
Uh. Shouldn’t you know that by now? Especially if you’re to that part where you’re POSTING the job?? Maybe they should have put “Depends” instead of “Unknown.” Because maybe it all depends on whether or not you can see dead people?! Mwaaa haaa haaaa! Creep Factor 100. Moving on…
Status: Freelance
Oh crap. In my experience “Freelance” usually translates to “Squirrely as all get-out.” But let me see how long it lasts…
Estimated Duration: Ongoing
Ongoing’s good. That means it goes on. For a while. And if I could start immediately, then this job could go on. For a while. Speaking of which, when DOES this job start?
Starts: Within a Couple Weeks
Huh. Weird. Within a couple of weeks from WHEN? Right now? Can they tell that I’m looking at the job NOW? How ’bout now? Now?!? Ok, stop with the silliness. What’s it paying?
Rate: DOE
DOE is better than DOA any day of the week, I guess. Unless you can SEE dead people on arrival. Stop it with that, already!
So let me get this straight: This may or may not be a job that includes marketing to aliens in outerspace and it may or may not go on for some period of time. If this position manages anyone, it would most likely be ghosts, but that’s unknown right now. The job is starting soon (or at least in a couple of weeks from…now? NOW?!?) and I will get paid in DOE dollars (which are probably similar to Minecraft Diamonds) for work I may or may not be doing.
Sounds good. My resume is on its way! And no, I’m not telling you the name of the company. Because you might want to apply too!!