…and on our asteroid,
Not a creature was stirring.
Not even a droid.
I had to memorize that poem. Back when I was a robot.
Yes, a robot. In a Christmas program.
It was the early 80’s. Everyone – including nuns and Catholic school children – had been (and remained) bitten by the Star Wars bug. So robots were popping up everywhere…even in the St. Joe’s gradeschool Christmas program.
I would like to claim that the robots were part of a sci-fi manger scene: with Princess Leia as Mary, and R2D2 as the baby in the crèche. Storm troopers arrived, called by the star. And a galactic battle ensued for the souls of the faithful.
But it was nothing of the sort. Instead, it was just a bunch of kids wearing boxes covered in aluminum foil, bumping in to each other as they tried to stand in orderly robot rows on the choral risers in the school gym while reciting a Space Age version of ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas in their best impression of monotone, robot-like voices.
(Although I will say that I added some flair to said standard-issue robot uniform, by wearing a robot SKIRT! Hey, I was a girl robot, afterall! And I know EXACTLY what you’re thinking: How creative, right?! While still just a foil-covered-box, I wore it from the waist down and paired it with a white turtleneck-with-little-red-hearts-on-it and some cream-colored pants. Whoop…whoop. 80’s Girl Robot in the house! Bringing her 80’s Girl Robot A-Game of Fashion!!)
But now? Now the steel trap of my robot-y youth has rusted a bit, and I don’t remember SQUAT about how the main part of the poem went, but I can still recall the closing lines:
Then he took off through space with his reindeer and pack
Leaving my radar to bleep and go black
But our video scanner showed his message unfurled,
“Sure hope your Christmas is out of this world.”
In other words…Merry Christmas to all! And to all a good night! Beep-boop.