The Itsy Bitsy Spider

The worst part about housecleaning is the spiders.  Now – this may just be me because there are a lot of spiders in my house.  Or – this may just be me because I totally have arachnophobia.  But am I right or what?!?

I mean, seriously.  Spider webs alone flip me out.  I literally FLUNG the dustrag ACROSS THE ROOM while SCREAMING AAaaaahhhhh!!! the other day because I thought a spider web had brushed my hand.  Turns out if was a thread from my sleeve.  Oy.

But coming across an actual live spider?  In a corner.  Just waiting for me.  Waiting…

That’s the stuff of nightmares.

And you (and when I say you I mean me) can’t just vacuum it up.  Because it’s in a corner.  And everyone knows the vacuum cleaner doesn’t “do” corners very well which means the spider may escape (right at you/me!!!) and live to terrorize you/me another day.

No – it’s necessary to assemble that hose attachment thing so that you can accurately pinpoint your spider sucking efforts.  But then what happens?  I envision all of the spiders I’ve sucked up somehow cling to the inside of the hose just waiting for me to disassemble it before they POP out at me in retribution!

Or…as is more likely the case…they form a vast community of sucked-up-spiders living in the cleaner bag.  Subsisting on crumbs.  Rubbing their (4 sets of?) hands together, cackling maniacally as they plan a revolt against the overlord.  Once they have achieved critical mass, they’ll come pouring out of the vacuum cleaner bag when I change it.

Well, ha ha!  I have totally outsmarted them.  I never change the vacuum cleaner bag.

Brilliant!  Right?!

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