Ok…True Confession Time. Right here. Right now.
[Note: if you currently think of me as a funny friend who has a few quirks which make me interesting – then rock on wit’ yer bad self. If however, you feel I am completely off my rocker and have been for some time, then DO NOT read this blog. Because it will just confirm for you that not only am I off my rocker, but that I’ve been off my rocker for so long it’s now broken and dusty and has been placed on the curb for trash pick-up.]
I walk the dog past an open field. Which I’m worried may contain a dead body. (Come ON! I can’t be the only one who worries that at some point in their life they’ll accidentally see a dead body in an open field. COME. ON!!!)
I walk past this field so frequently, that I’ve developed a “what to do in case I see a dead body” protocol. It goes like this:
- If the body is naked – or clearly dismembered – I will just stand on the sidewalk and call the police. Ditto if the body is near prairie dogs or crows.
- However, if the body is fairly close to the road and dressed, I may go closer and call out. For sure-sies I’m calling the cops on this one as well, but I say ‘may’ on the other stuff because I haven’t quite decided to do this or not since there might be snakes. (Hey! It’s an open field, remember?!) I remain flexible here.
- Finally, if the body is very near the sidewalk I’ll assume (hope?) it’s more of twisted-ankle-sustained-while-walking-through-the-field situation and offer assistance/feel for a pulse.
I like to think of this all as ‘being prepared’. If you like to think of the body-in-the-open-field fear as ‘being crazy’ (I’m talking to you here, off-her-broken-and-dusty rocker contingent), then I won’t even TELL YOU what I fear might be in all those black garbage bags on the side of the road. Nope. Not gonna do it.
To those who think of me as a funny-friend-with-a-few-quirks? Call me. We’ll talk.