Business Trippin’

I was walking the dog the other morning…and down the street I saw [a shimmering light.  My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim.  I had to stop for the night!]

(Two points for you if you can guess the name of that song AND the band.  Hint: No, it’s not from the 80’s; It’s from the late 70’s which is so close it’s practically the same thing.)

I saw a woman putting her computer bag and suitcase in the car.  She was wearing a kicky skirt and high-heeled boots and appeared to be heading off on a business trip.

And I felt a pang.

Remember when you first started taking business trips?  It was so much FUN!  Meeting up with sorority sisters in distant cities.  Having evening drinks with colleagues.  Seeing the sights if there was time after your meeting/tradeshow/presentation.  Ordering room service.  Having the t.v. remote ALL TO YOURSELF??

It ROCKED! [Rockin’ the Casbah, Rock the Casbah!!!]

And then you became a mom.

And after that, each time you headed off on a business trip in this Post 9/11 World, you had to make a choice.  At the time I called it the “Sophie’s Choice of Working Moms.”  Your purse would naturally be considered your “personal item.”  But what would you choose as your “carry-on”??  Your laptop…or your breastpump?!?

You HAD to have BOTH!  They were each valuable in their own (very different) way.  I eventually handled this dilemma by 1)checking a bag with my clothes/toiletries to my final destination and 2)packing both the breast pump AND the laptop IN a carry-on.  Am I utterly brilliant, or what?!  But I do know other working moms who packed their laptop in their checked bag and kept their breastpump with them at all times.  Or vice versa.  If you were forced to choose between these two halves of your split personality – which would you choose?!?

See?  It’s a tough one, isn’t it??

But despite my brilliant “breastpump in the carry-on” approach, I still had to trot it out for manual inspection.  And as you’re saying to the TSA agent, “Change your gloves!  You are handling MY BREAST MILK!” in a Queen-of-Hearts “OFF WITH HIS HEAD!!!” sort of voice, you realize business trips actually SUCK.  The most eggs EVER!!!

Now, to take it a step further: when the hotel delivers 9 little Pump-N-Style* baggies of frozen breast milk into the middle of your business meeting (they were in a plastic dry cleaning bag, but still)…and your face bears the tear-tracks from all the crying you did that morning because – when you checked out of the hotel – the front desk person originally claimed to have “lost” the literal life’s blood of your baby-who-is-allergic-to-all-the-infant-formula-in-the-world…you realize that business trips not only suck eggs.  They also blow chunks.  The most chunks of all Time.  Space.  Galaxies.  And Black Holes.

This trip down memory lane helped me figure out that the “pang” I felt as I saw the business woman heading off into the Wild Blue Yonder really didn’t have ANYTHING to do with wanting to be a business woman again.  Even one headed off on an adventure.  It really just had to do with me wanting to wear A KICKY LITTLE SKIRT AND HOT BOOTS!

So??  Right now I’m wearing a sassy little black, above-the-knee number and high-heeled pleather boots.  While blogging.  And I’m feelin’ HOT HOT HOT!  [Yes.  This is a TRUE 80’s song.  Bonus points if you can name the original artist and then the singer who made it famous.]

While I miss the money that goes along with the working woman ‘thang…I’m “Feelin’ Fly” about where I am at this point in my stay-at-home-mom-ness.  In fact…J Lo and the Fly Girls are in the house!  Whoop!!  Whoop!!!  [Yes.  The Fly Girls reference IS early 90’s.  But as we all know – the early 90’s is so close to the 80’s is practically the same thing.]

Can you tell I’m feeling full of “vim and vinegar” today (as my husband would say)?  He knows it bugs the crap out of me when he says it because he’s combined TWO phrases: 1) VIM and vigor and 2) Piss and VINEGAR.  But I think it aptly describes my mood right now so I’ll allow it this time around.


*That was the “name” of my breast pump.  The Medela Pump-N-Style.  I was never quite sure if the “N” was short for Pump IN Style.  Or Pump AND Style.  Could go either way.  You choose.

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