Sane approach to spiders

I utterly detest the carpet in my basement and I’ll tell you why.

I constantly think there are spiders on it.

It’s a fairly innocuous beige berber wall-t0-wall…but there are these darker bits woven into the rug periodically throughout.  And no matter how many times I’ve seen them, they always take me by surprise and make me think a spider lurks there.  At which point I have to approach the dark spot doing some rain-dance type moves in the hopes of sending vibrations through the floor which will encourage the spider to move and thus “out” itself.  And if it IS a spider, I grind griiiiinnnnd it into the rug and make the dark spot permanent!  And sometimes I do that even when it isn’t a spider.  Just to be on the safe side.

This is a totally sane approach to rugs, right?  And spiders.

No??  Next thing you’ll be telling me is that not EVERYONE thinks there’s a baby in the black garbage bag they sometimes see lying in the middle of the road.  No?!?  Then why do YOU avoid hitting the bag?!  (because I have seen you avoiding it)

I’m on to you.  I know what you’re doing.  I ALSO saw the movie Gaslight and so I know when I’m trying to be driven insane.  Well I’ve got news for you.  It won’t work!

I’m already there!  Mwa ha ha ha (evil, insane laugh).

Too many fumes from the housecleaning products.

Thanksgiving’s coming.  Gotta get the house ready.

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