Coffeecoffeecoffee

When my daughter was maybe 6 months old, she would use the quietest times of the day (after communion prayer in church, for example) as the perfect foil for her overly loud exploration of the sound duh-duh-duh-duhduhduhduhduhDUHDUHHHHH!  She would bust out with the noise while wearing a huge grin on her face, chubby cheeks pumping furiously.  Coincidentally or not, there always seemed to be an inordinate amount of drool flowing down her chapped chin at times like these.  New baby toofuses much?

Anyway, for our family, that sound has come to symbolize being overly excited at questionably appropriate times, apropos nothing.

Case in point?  Have you heard the new recommendations which indicate that 3-5 cups of coffee per day is ok for you?

duh-duh-duh-duhduhduhduhduhDUHDUHHHHH!

I am frickin’ PSYCHED about this!  I LOVE me some joe.  Boyohboyohboy!  Do I LOVE me some JOE.  And I have NO time for those schmoes who droop around declaring they don’t NEED caffeine because they have NATURAL joie de vivre.

Shut!  SHUT!  SHUT.  IT.  Joie de vivre my a$$!

But that’s fine.  I’m fine.  That’s fine.  Because now?  Now the government says it’s ok for me to consume MY wakey juice AND joie-de-vivre’s wakey juice while I’m at it.

This approach in turn helps me enter my day with my heart in my throat and my hands grasping invisible shake weights.  MymommysaysItalktoofast.  DoYOUthinkItalktoofast?!?  As I stagger off the cliff of life every morning, you can hear me shouting the whole way down…

duh-duh-duh-duhduhduhduhduhDUHDUHHHHH!

And if you say ANYTHING here about my chubby cheeks and my excessive drool, I’ll drink YOU’RE java too.  IwillIwillIswearIwill, so help me…duh-duh-duh-duhduhduhduhduhDUHDUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

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