A Tale of Two Toilet Seats

Oh look-y!  The pee theme is back!

Second verse, same as the first.  A little bit louder.  And a little bit worse…

You ever sit on a toilet seat that – unbeknownst to you – has been totally pee’d on by your son??

Second.  Most.  Horrible.  Feeling.  EVER!

The FIRST most horrible feeling ever??  Sitting on a toilet seat that’s been pee’d on by a…STRANGER!!!

Gaack!   gaaaaAAAACCCKK!!

And the THIRD most horrible feeling??  Sitting on a toilet after the dog has had an excessively…er…juicy drink out of it.

Now, you have to understand that my dog has a ‘stache ten times the size of the Lorax’s.  The MOST stuff collects IN it, and drips FROM it, at any point in time.  When he drinks out of the toilet, it’s literally like a filthy wet mop has been WIPED all over the seat.

And as I’m sitting on the toilet seat…the excrutiatingly wet toilet seat…I  wonder which is worse.  Sitting on a toilet seat covered in pee (a stranger’s or otherwise).  Or…sitting on a toilet seat covered in everything ELSE that belongs in the toilet (E.coli, fecal matter, need I go on?) PLUS dog slobber.  Which would you choose in this tale of two toilet seats??  (Hint: They both feel oddly similar, yet one has more of a head game going on than the other.)

Then I wonder what to DO?!?  Besides throwing up in my mouth and swallowing it, which I’ve already done.  ‘Cause REALLY?  Where was I gonna PUT the throw up??  I mentioned I’m already SITTING ON THE TOILET, RIGHT?!?!

Should I air dry??  Or furiously scrub a layer off my hide, then go to the doctor for hepatitis shots?!?

It makes no never mind because so far I think the New Stay at Home Mom summer is going well, don’t you??  It’s been a bit hot though.  And the dog has picked up this new habit of drinking “fresh” cold water out of the toilet.

But…other than THAT…so far, so good.  Yep.  So far.  So good.

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