The First Day of School (Subtitled: Help me; I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!)

I overheard the following conversation between two newly minted fourth grade boys today…

Boy 1: (ok, full disclosure: it’s Sonny)  “Hey!  Have you seen those commercials where that old gramma falls and she can’t get up and she has that thing you push to call for help?”

Boy 2: “Yeah.”

Boy 1:  “Well I’ve seen one where it’s a lady who falls…IN A BATHTUB!”

Boy 2:  “What?  I haven’t seen that one!  What’s she wearing??” 

Boy 1:  “Nothing as far as I could see.  She was just all covered in bubbles.”

Boy 2:  [horrified yet titillated] “But she HAD to be wearing SOMETHING?!”

Boy 1:  “I know, right?  Otherwise the firefighters are gonna be pretty embarrassed when they come to help her.”

Yes, boys.  The FIREFIGHTERS will be embarrassed during the rescue.  No one ELSE will be embarrassed during the rescue because bubbles keep you safe from whatever ails you.

But this just reminds me of why I hate school so much.  First off, I hate that sick feeling in my stomach the entire week leading UP to the start of school.  Trust me when I say I “shared” my sick feeling with everyone else in the house by acting like an a$$ and announcing each day as it arrived: “This is the LAST Tuesday of summer vacation!!  This is the LAST WEDNESDAY of summer vacation!!!” and so forth.  Totally helpful, right??  And I’m not even the one actually GOING to school!

Aside from that, what I REALLY hate about school starting is that Mean Mom comes to roost.  She yells non-stop about all the paperwork that needs to be completed.  All the homework that’s not getting done.  All the lunches that need to be made.  All the people who need to GET UP AND GET MOVIN’!  All the cars that NEED TO LEAVE NOW IN ORDER TO GET TO SCHOOL ON TIME!!!

And once the yelling starts, it seems like it doesn’t stop until NEXT summer.  Because Mean Mom falls completely over the edge of reason.  And when she falls, she can’t get up.

WHERE ARE THE BUBBLES WHEN YOU NEED THEM?!??  WHERE.  ARE.  THE.  %#^&ING!  BUBBLES?!?!

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