Modified Christmas Carol

You know what Christmas Carol you don’t hear much of anymore?  “Christmas is Coming.”

So I’m bringing it back for a final run – but with my own modifications.  In my mind it goes a little something like this:

Christmas is coming (sure is – where have you been for the last 3 months?  Don’t act all surprised like it snuck up on you or something!)

The goose is getting fat (yeah – the goose AND my a$$)

Put another penny in the old man’s hat (the old man’s hat aka the red Salvation Army bucket manned by an aggressive bell-ringer located in front of Wal-Mart.  And since we’re on the topic of Wal-Mart because I was just there today…what’s with all the old people walking around and holding hands?  At Wal-Mart??  And since we’re still on the subject, here’s an open notice to Wal-Mart: Dear Wal-Mart, when it snows, please plow the directional signage in your parking lot.  Otherwise all bets are off and none of the morons know which lane is one way and which lane isn’t.  Present company included.  Hey!  What are you looking at romantic older couple?!  How was I supposed to know this lane was one way!  I couldn’t see any of the arrows on the ground.  ‘Cause they’re all covered with snow!!!!  Move along.  There’s nothing to see here.)

If you haven’t got a penny, a ha-penny will do (really?  What’s a penny gonna buy nowadays?  And a half of a penny??  See the next part of this song for my response to that retorical question.)

If you haven’t got a ha-penny, then God bless you! (yeah!  What he said!!)

But speaking of ha-pennies, I believe my unemployment checks should be starting up again any day now.  Remember how I contested the whole severance-that-wasn’t-wages-but-yet-they-would-treat-like-wages-so-as-to-temporarily-stop-my-unemployment-benefits?!   Their very effective response is no response.   Just waited me out.  I guess it worked.

But I’m back in the game now!  Bring on those ha-pennies!!!!

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