Happy 2015

Resolution, schmesolution.  I’ve decided not to make any resolutions this year.  Or as I call them, big-fat-never-gonna-happen-lies-you-tell-to-the-world-which-only-serve-to-make-you-feel-bad-as-they-hang-around-your-neck-and-drag-down-your-year.  I mean, for as far as my big fat lies get me every year, I may as well start resoluting that I’m going to join the Justice League but only after acquiring the necessary super powers.

And without this being misconstrued as any sort of resolution, I CAN tell you that I will never, EVER go see another cage fight again.  And that’s no lie.  That’s more of a Scarlet O’Hara, “As God is my witness, I will never be hungry again” statement of purpose and truth.  (And just to clarify, I wasn’t saying that thing about never being hungry again, that was Scarlet.  So don’t mistake THAT for my resolution.  Because I’m not making any this year.  Also?  I HAVE been hungry again.  Especially in the 90’s if it involved peeing on ketone test strips or eating a week’s worth of cabbage soup.)

So let’s close out the cagefight topic right now and then never mention it again to each other.  And yes, for you Nosy Parkers, yes, I HAVE been to a cage fight.  The whole way there, Hubby insisted we WEREN’T going to a cage fight.  But when we got to the arena and saw the man-sized CAGE in the middle of it, the kids and I knew what was what.  We’re no dummies.

I have to tell you though, that as gruesome as the idea is: that two grown men who got all pumped up by blaring their theme songs real loud before voluntarily entering a steel cage to then beat eachother bloody until one taps out or dies, what it basically ended up being was mostly-naked, exhausted men curled up in the fetal position spooning eachother while they inch-wormed across the floor.  As such, I can state for the record, Your Honor, that no one needs to be exposed to something like that unless they paid good money to see Brokeback Mountain in the movie thee-ay-tuh.

And anyway, the stuff going on in the audience was more violent than anything going on in the stage.  (Is that even a thing?  IN the stage??  Maybe it was more of a theater-in-the-round experience?!  So let’s just stick with ON the stage.)  At one point, there was even this full-out brawl in the audience that required the rent-a-cops to escort an audience member out in handcuffs.  In his defense, perhaps Brawler was just trying out for theater-in-the-round?!? 

Anyway, speaking of audience, a few more things that must needs be mentioned here: Sonny is pretty sure he saw a guy walking around with a head in a bag before the event started.  And once we were AT the event, I’m pretty sure I saw guys walking around with glass flower vases (the big ones that can hold lots of flowers) FILLED with beer.  So there you have it.  In addition to cagefighting wannabes, those are the type of people who go to cage fights.  Well, and us.  But just that once.  And never again.  Because I vow, as God is my witness, I will never go to a cagefight again.  But that’s not a resolution, just a statement of fact. 

The super power idea, however?  Has a great deal of merit as a resolution.  And is now under consideration.

Happy 2015.

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