Armrest Airspace

Are you aware of this concept in airplane travel?  [Yes, it’s a thing.  It’s an actual thing.  I said it’s a thing and therefore….it’s a thing.  Very Good, Grasshopper.] Armrest Airspace is where there’s an invisible line that extends from the center of the passengers’ shared armrest all the way up, up, up.  It also extends forward and down, down, down.  It’s totally like a force field separating the other passengers from you.  But without all that jolting and shocking and such.

And if a fellow passenger’s elbow (foot!, thigh?!) extends OVER the imaginary line, they have now entered your airspace – and are in direct violation of airspace regulations.  And you are authorized to send out MiG fighter planes to take them down.*  

Ok, kidding about the MiGs…but I totally WISH there were MiGs you could sic on these airspace violators.  Or, at a minimum, some alarm you could sound to have a swat team of flight attendants wrassle the violator to the ground.

But there’s not.

And so I have to content myself with an eyeroll at the flight attendant about the guy on my right who is basically sitting in half of my seat.  The flight attendant contents herself with an eyeroll back.  Not helpful. 

Wrasslin’?  Helpful.  Eyerolling??  Not so much.

Eventually the seat-and-a-half guy decides to purchase the t.v. program option.  But first he has to get his credit card, which is in his wallet, which is in his right back pocket, which necessitates him leaning left, further into my airspace.  But it’s not just a slight upper body leaning motion which nudges my shoulder.  Oh no!  Instead, he leans ALLLLL the way OOOOOOVER, until his head is almost resting here [she says as she waves her hand in a circular motion indicating the highly valued area of the lap-to-breastesses continuum].

And this, my friends?  This is much MORE than a mere violation of Armrest Airspace.  I’m not sure WHAT this is a violation of (OSHA?  Hazmat??  EEOC?!?  All of the above??!?), but it’s a violation all the same.  MiGs!  MIIIIIIGS!!!!  WHERE ARE YOU, MIIIIIIIIGSSSSSS?!??!  SEND IN THE MIGS…NOW!!!!

 

*And it’s baaaaack!  Remember that fun game we were playing where an 80’s song would pop into our heads? Triggered by nothing more than a word, a phrase, a moment in life??  Well, it’s baaaaack!  And now that highly acclaimed Kenny Logins’ song is playing in my head: “Highway to the Danger Zone.”  Do you remember that song?  From the movie Top Gun with Tom Cruise?!?  The song was recorded and released in 1986!  And yay!  I win!  Again!!  What are the odds of that?  That I would continue to win this game that I invented and am the sole participant of?!?  But why am I thinking of this song?  Because there’s a scene in the movie where Maverick and Cougar are being chased by MiG fighter planes over the Indian Ocean.  One of the MiGs gets a lock on Cougar’s plane and…ok.  I could go on and on here.  But I won’t.  Other than to say it was the liiiiiittle tiiiiiiiny mention of MiG fighter planes that got me started down that particular path.  Or should I say highway?  Hey, speaking of HIGHWAYS!  Highway to the Danger Zone…Gonna take you right intoooo the DANGER ZONE!… 

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