My husband got toilet bowl cleaner for me the other day.  (I know, I know.  I’m not doing anything ELSE…so why would my husband get the toilet bowl cleaner, right?!  But he was at the store and hey!  He ASKED if I needed anything while he was there.  He’ll learn to keep his big mouth shut next time, won’t he?  Hi, Honey!  Luv ya!!!)  So he got the cleaner.  But it has bleach in it.

Which prompted visions of me skulking from bathroom to bathroom, carrying a wet scrubby-brush-thingie…and leaving a trail of drips behind.  Then, like some demented (dirty bathroom) version of Hansel and Gretel, you would always be able to find your way back to me by following the bleach spots on the carpet.  So I quickly nixed the toilet bowl cleaner with bleach idea.

Instead I went to the store and got two different kinds of toilet bowl cleaner without bleach.  And I’m gonna see which one works best.  I’m gonna do a bake off.  Except with toilet bowl cleaners.  And I promise to keep you posted because I know how important this sort of thing is to all of us.

First up is a disinfectant toilet bowl cleaner that also removes rust, lime scale and hard water stains.  Yes.  This is a problem.  I clean the toilet but due to (I’m assuming slash hoping) hardwater stains immediately afterwards it looks like it hasn’t been cleaned.  So what’s the point of cleaning it, right?  Or maybe I haven’t been cleaning the toilets and instead have just been claiming I have but those dratted hardwater stains always make them look dirty!  (mwa ha ha…insert evil bathroom cleaning laugh here)

There’s no bleach in this cleaner and in fact it doesn’t want anything to do with bleach since on the back it (very firmly) states that I shouldn’t mix it with bleach.  This has to be a good sign that nothing bad will come of this.  Although I have to admit that the “warning” is a little off-putting.  As is the entire list of first-aid approaches and “what to do” should you get it: in your eyes, on your skin, in your throat, in your nose.  “What to do” basically consists of clawing off the contaminated part and going to the hospital.  Good Heavens – they don’t pay me enough to do this!  I should get time-and-a-half AND hazard pay!!!

The second cleaner I’m planning to try promises a “complete” clean (yeah – ’cause mostly I’ve been doing the half-a$$ed clean and really, where is that getting me?!).  In addition to killing 99.9% of all viruses and bacteria in the world, it cleans “organic soil” stains.  What?!??  Gaaack!  gaaaAAACCKKKK!!!  Is that a euphemism for what I think it is??  Oh boy.  I am NOT making enough money doing this.  But really, that’s a no-brainer because that’s what I’m TRYING to clean when I clean the toilet.  Organic soil stains.  Gag.

But on the bright side, it doesn’t contain bleach.  So we’re good.  Instead it contains hydrochloric acid.  That’s totally fine, right?  But why am I now thinking of mad scientists handling bubbling beakers of noxious liquids?  Wearing safety glasses??  Which is what it says I should be doing when I clean the toilet using this product.  Oh – and I shouldn’t use the toilet after cleaning the toilet without first cleaning my hands.  Phew!  I’m glad we got that cleared up.