I took some time to reflect this week-end on how I can improve my stay at home momness.  I feel like despite my best effort, I’m just not getting it right.  What ELSE should I be doing in order to be a success here?  So…I came up with the following list (best few.  The list is actually huge but I need to take baby steps and all that jazz):

1. Learn how to run errands that don’t cost money.  Why do all errands cost money? Where are all the FREE errands?!  Or at least the inexpensive errands?  Is this why stay at home moms start clipping coupons?  It’s hard to say.  This requires more observation. But for now the gist here is that I need to find something to do that occupies my time and doesn’t cost money.
2. Along those lines, the one thing I can do (besides volunteering) that doesn’t cost money is exercise.  I purport that the thinnest people I know are stay at home moms.  That’s because they actually have TIME to exercise.  Working moms are stressed and overweight because they’ve gotta do everything the stay at home moms do, but squeeze it all in and around a full work-day.  So something has to fall by the wayside and that includes exercise and time spent on self.  So, I’m getting back on track with the exercise scene.  But first and foremost: I have to get exercise clothes that don’t smell like I exercised in them.  Or look like I exercised in them.  How do all these stay at home moms bee-bop into the school office in the a.m. wearing exercise togs that don’t look or smell like they’ve been exercised in?!  Or they bee-bop into the school office in the afternoon.  Same deal.  Is it the clothes themselves that have magical powers?  Or perhaps it’s the women who are magic?? (am now adding “become magical” to the list of things to work on).  Regardless, I need to do better here because I can’t go anywhere with my exercise clothes on (well, except to exercise by myself in my basement – or to my driveway to wait for the carpool).
3. I need to learn how to take empty hours from the morning and apply them to the afternoon.   All heck breaks loose in the afternoon.  Everyone has to be everywhere all the time after 3 p.m.  Or is it that I have to learn how to bifurcate?  Or is it replicate??  Either way, I need to uncover how to achieve a balance of activities in my day.  Can I start attending appointments in the morning on behalf of my children?  That might free up some of my time in the afternoon.  Say for example I could stand-in for my daughter on her 10-year-well-visit at 10a.m.  Hi doctor, I’m filling in for my 10-year-old today.  I’ve weighed and measured her at home and here are the stats.  I’ll pee into a cup with her name on it.  (we’ve got the same genes and eat the same stuff, so the results should be pretty similar, right?)  Yes, she wears her helmet when she bike rides and she wants to be a vet when she grows up.  You can check my spine for scoliosis.  Just don’t peek into my underwear, that creeps me out.  I’ll bring the sticker home to her and tell her she did a good job.  Howz about a tootsie roll for me?!
4. Learn Spanish.  Now you’re wondering to yourself why on earth I need to learn Spanish.  There’s a method to the madness here that I will shortly reveal and you will be astounded.  Remember the comment above about doing stuff that doesn’t cost money?  Well, it occurred to me that the library was a great place to start.  I should start reading again for pleasure.  Which is something that has fallen by the wayside in recent years.  But what to start with?  Why the ever-popular and much-discussed-among-the-stay-at-home-crowd “50 Shades of Grey.”  In fact, I believe this to be required reading and I’m very late completing my assignment.  The only problem is that while the library has 74 copies, 0 are available and there are 123 patrons on the waiting list.  I will never get to read this book.  Unless…wait! There is one copy of  Cincuenta Sombras de Grey and it’s available!  Olé!!!
5.  Become magical (I told you I was adding this, don’t act so surprised).