Now that it’s the New Year, we have to get going on the Awards Ceremony. You know how I hate waiting to the last minute on things like this. So with that in mind, I’d like to propose that Teddy Bear the Dog receive the “Most likely to look like a peg leg without actually BEING a peg leg” award. In case you can’t tell which is the faux peg leg, he’ll hold it out towards the camera for your viewing pleasure.
And if I know you, you’re going to totally derail this blog unless I tell you why Teddy’s gone all peg-leg on us. And I know you, so it was the result of puncturing his paw on something in the back yard. We only clued in to the puncture wound once it started smelling. Why yes, I AM a good dog mother and we can all agree that the smelly paw thing is extremely nummy, nummy num.
Then yesterday, as I was running on the treadmill in the basement, I heard a weird, high-pitched siren coming closer to the house at a rapid pace. Weird. In particular, it seemed to be coming from the direction of the back yard. Weirder and weirder. So I paused the running and headed upstairs.
When I got to the door of the backyard, I realized the “siren” was really a loud, keening noise coming from Sonny’s mouth, along with the words “amputated” and “help.” But since HIS limbs seemed to be intact, I glanced into the backyard and saw Sissy crouching amidst a bloodbath-in-the-snow. It didn’t appear to be her amputation either. Instead, she was competently performing triage on the dog and calming instructing Sonny with the words, “There’s a LOT of blood. Go get Mom!”
Oh crap. I guess I’m the mom they’re coming to get. And it DOES look like something got amputated out there in the snow.
But lucky day! No accidental amputation, just Puncture Wound, Second Verse, same as the first, a little bit louder, and a little bit worse. This time there are stitches involved. And the prescribed pain pills are extremely bitter. I wonder if we should give any to the dog. Ha, ha. Get it? Like I was eating the dog’s pain meds and found them bitter. Oy. If ya gotta explain it, it loses its funny. Moving on… And now? The dog is up for a SECOND award. This time, it’s the “Foot in a Bag” award. Which is better than the “Foot in the Mouth” award any day of the week so you can just shut it. [see pic]
What with all the snow (and now blood) in the backyard, if we didn’t bag it up, Stumpy McGee’s bandage would begin disintegrating immediately á la mummy fresh out of the sarcophagus looking for eyeballs. So we bag it up.
Some other award ideas include: Sonny as “Most likely to think the dog’s foot was amputated in the backyard or then amputated by an Animal E.R. doc and no one had the heart to tell him” award; Sissy as “Most Likely to BE an Animal E.R. doc” award. And both kids? “Most likely to leave foot puncturing devices scattered throughout the backyard despite repeated warnings from their mother to PICK UP THE FOOT PUNCTURING DEVICES ALREADY!”
Just some ideas. Nothing’s written in stone. Just some ideas for the awards ceremony. Only brainstorming at this point. No right or wrong ideas. Just brainstorming. But we really do have to get going on this.