There’s a formula!\u00a0 Why didn’t anyone\u00a0tell me there was a formula?!\u00a0\u00a0 Instead, you were all like\u00a0“Noooooo…don’t tell the new chick about the formula!\u00a0 She’s all ‘smart’ and ‘observant’ she’ll figure it out on her own.\u00a0 Eventually.”<\/p>\n
Well, I’m on to you.\u00a0 I have<\/em> totally figured it out.\u00a0 So screw you!\u00a0 And just to show you who’s boss, I’m gonna tell the world.\u00a0 Hey, World!\u00a0\u00a0Here it is!!\u00a0\u00a0Here is the\u00a0stay at home mom what-happens-with-your-time\u00a0formula (or for-mew-ler as my mother and\u00a0Plankton from SpongeBob SquarePants would say):<\/p>\n fx:<\/em> [insert time period here], I was going to\u00a0(fill in the blank)<\/span> but instead\u00a0\u00a0(fill in the blank)<\/span> and as a result\u00a0(fill in the blank)<\/span> .\u00a0\u00a0NOTE TO SELF:(fill in the\u00a0blank)<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n Using this morning as an example, the for-mew-ler might read something like this:<\/p>\n This morning, I was going to<\/strong> go for a nice, long run and therefore avoid the cleaning ladies so I was dressed in my stankest running gear<\/span> but instead<\/strong> my daughter “petted” a drowsy bee while she was waiting for a.m. carpool and Surprise!\u00a0 She\u00a0ended up getting stung<\/span> and as a result<\/strong> while I was performing triage on her pinky at the kitchen sink with a copper penny and some baking soda, the carpool left and I had to drive her to school myself.\u00a0\u00a0At which point I was conned into joining some other moms for coffee.\u00a0 They were all dressed to the nines\u00a0because they were going to mass after coffee.\u00a0 And then to lunch at\u00a0a new place they’ve been wanting to try.\u00a0 Did I mention\u00a0the stankity stank stankness of my running gear?\u00a0<\/span> NOTE TO SELF:<\/strong> do not EVER join\u00a0people for coffee when you look and feel (and clearly smell) like an a$$!\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n You see it, right?\u00a0 You totally see what I’m talking about, right?!\u00a0 I’m absolutely on to something and to prove the point, I’ll use the for-mew-ler on yesterday as well…<\/p>\n Yesterday,<\/strong><\/strong> I was going to<\/strong> clean the entire house and finally be done with the cleaning ladies and all of the guilt they engender<\/span>\u00a0but instead\u00a0<\/strong>aliens\u00a0abducted me\u00a0 during my key housecleaning hours (from\u00a09 to 2) and when I became aware of time again, I was so sleepy I had to\u00a0“rest my eyes” for a bit<\/span>\u00a0and as a result<\/strong><\/strong> I was late picking up afternoon carpool despite my mad dash through town.\u00a0 And I had a bad case of bedhead which I don’t think I covered up very well even though I employed some\u00a0excellent and creative finger-combing.<\/span>\u00a0 NOTE TO SELF:<\/strong> keep a baseball cap in the car.<\/span><\/p>\n Ok, now it’s your turn.\u00a0 You try it.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" There’s a formula!\u00a0 Why didn’t anyone\u00a0tell me there was a formula?!\u00a0\u00a0 Instead, you were all like\u00a0“Noooooo…don’t tell the new chick about the formula!\u00a0 She’s all ‘smart’ and ‘observant’ she’ll figure it out on her own.\u00a0 Eventually.” Well, I’m on to you.\u00a0 I have totally figured it out.\u00a0 So screw you!\u00a0 And just to show you […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/80"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=80"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/80\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":82,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/80\/revisions\/82"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=80"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=80"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=80"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}