Are you frauding\u00a0us?\u00a0 We’ll frickin’ break your knee-caps if we find out you’re frauding\u00a0us.\u00a0 To prove that you’re not frauding us, do you promise to give us your firstborn son? (Well.\u00a0 You wouldn’t want him.\u00a0 I barely want him sometimes. But…) Check!<\/li>\n<\/ul>\nOk, those weren’t real questions, but you get the gist of the tone that’s set when you file for Unemployment Compensation.\u00a0 Basically, you’re treated like a fraudster and threatened with all sorts of consequences because you just want the money you’re entitled to.\u00a0 So with this vague Catholic Guilt thing now kinda looping through your brain – “I\u00a0didn’t THINK I was doing anything wrong.\u00a0 But they’re TREATING me like I did something wrong.\u00a0 So maybe I AM doing something wrong??\u00a0\u00a0No, no.\u00a0 I’m pretty sure\u00a0I’m\u00a0NOT doing anything wrong…”<\/p>\n
You proceed with your walk through the\u00a0valley of the shadow…<\/p>\n
During this week, did you look for a job?\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0 <\/em>Yes!<\/p>\nDuring this week, if an employer offered you a job were you able to start immediately?<\/strong><\/em>\u00a0 Yes!<\/p>\nDuring this week, did you turn down any job offers?<\/strong><\/em>\u00a0 Wait!\u00a0 Ah-ha.\u00a0 I see what’s happening here.\u00a0 You were trying to lull me into a “Yes!” thing, but the answer is really no.\u00a0 Wait!\u00a0 No.\u00a0 The answer is No.<\/p>\nDuring this week, did you work at all?\u00a0<\/strong><\/em>\u00a0You means BESIDES cleaning all the bathrooms in the house?\u00a0 No.\u00a0 No, I didn’t work.\u00a0 Wait!\u00a0 Work-for-which-I-got-paid?\u00a0 No.\u00a0 No.<\/p>\nAnother question about working just phrased in a different way?<\/strong><\/em>\u00a0 Uhhhh…NO!\u00a0 Still NO!<\/p>\nFourth question about working and\/or receiving money?\u00a0<\/strong> <\/em>Gaaah.\u00a0 No.<\/p>\nFifth question about receiving money or even THINKING about receiving money from a prior employer?\u00a0<\/strong><\/em>\u00a0NOOOOO!<\/p>\nI understand that giving false information constitutes fraud and is punishable by law?<\/strong><\/em>\u00a0 Did that question just say punishable\u00a0by death?!\u00a0 Phew!\u00a0 I thought it said punishable by death.\u00a0 But wait.\u00a0 Why do I even care?\u00a0 I’m not doing anything wrong.\u00a0 Am\u00a0I?\u00a0 Ok…just stop and answer the question.\u00a0 But\u00a0re-read it first because you’ve been answering “No!”\u00a0for the last several questions and now this seems like a “YES”.\u00a0 YES!\u00a0 Wait.\u00a0 No, YES!<\/p>\nI have reviewed my responses and want to continue?<\/strong><\/em>\u00a0 YES!\u00a0 (as if I’d get all the way through this mindf#^*! and wanna bail!?!)<\/p>\nSo.\u00a0 That was just for Week 1.\u00a0 You then have to answer the same questions for Week 2.\u00a0 And then check off a few deeply buried boxes about “understanding” and “hereby applying” and “failing to comply”\u00a0and blah blah\u00a0blah…YES, I WANT TO FILE A CONTINUED CLAIM FOR PAYMENT!\u00a0 Gaaaaahhhhhh!!!\u00a0 JUST GIVE ME <\/strong>MY MONEY!!!!!!!!<\/strong><\/p>\nMakes spending the rest of your life in cloistered prayer look like a walk in the park.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
While I don’t know too much about\u00a0Italian bureaucracies,\u00a0because the Pope resigned, I’m pretty sure he\u00a0won’t get any unemployment compensation.\u00a0\u00a0But he may have gotten the better end of the stick anyway since he gets to spend several months\u00a0in a\u00a0summer\u00a0residence in the south of Rome.\u00a0 While that’s\u00a0a pretty sweet upshot,\u00a0you’ve gotta be firmly committed to what you’re […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/799"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=799"}],"version-history":[{"count":9,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/799\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":808,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/799\/revisions\/808"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=799"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=799"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=799"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}