{"id":636,"date":"2013-02-06T09:58:55","date_gmt":"2013-02-06T16:58:55","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=636"},"modified":"2013-02-21T12:14:49","modified_gmt":"2013-02-21T19:14:49","slug":"core-synergistics","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=636","title":{"rendered":"Core Synergistics"},"content":{"rendered":"

—–Mom & Dad:\u00a0\u00a0Expletives may be used throughout this post.\u00a0 Please don’t read any further if you’re going to act all disappointed at my “language” next time we talk.\u00a0 Because really.\u00a0 The only way to convey how terrible this sh**\u00a0is, is through the use of expletives.<\/em>—–<\/p>\n

Ok.\u00a0 I just HAVE to get this off my chest and then we can be done already\u00a0with me reporting on this horrific fairytale path I’ve taken through the deep, dark woods of the exercise soul also known as P90X.<\/p>\n

So.\u00a0 This is the FINAL word on Core Synergistics.\u00a0 This DVD is also entitled (in my mind) “After\u00a0four\u00a0weeks of P90X, why can’t I do ANY\u00a0of this sh**?!??”<\/p>\n

First off, make sure you sandwich this DVD\u00a0between chiropractor visits (remember to wear cute underwear<\/a>!!).\u00a0 Secondly, I’m on to you, Tony.\u00a0 You call the same impossible\u00a0exercises different names just to confuse me and\/or make me hopeful.\u00a0 Take the ridiculous “Banana Rolls” for example.\u00a0\u00a0They are basically the same impossible-to-do nonsense\u00a0as their rat-bastard brother “Superman\/Banana” and their red-headed stepchild “Bow-to-Boat.”<\/p>\n

And really.\u00a0 I can’t say it enough.\u00a0 Dreya Rolls are IMPOSSIBLE!!!\u00a0 But to spice things up, Adam adds a jump! (cute!!)\u00a0 And our main girl, Dreya, adds an “X” AND a spin! (cutest ever, B***CH!!!)<\/p>\n

And the pushups??\u00a0 How many tortuous ways can one, lone\u00a0man come up with to do push-ups?!?\u00a0 Sphinx Push-ups.\u00a0 Imagine you’re sitting there with your nose and mouth all crushed in\u00a0when you’re called\u00a0upon to raise your entire, mythical body straight off (yes, straight OFF) the floor\u00a0using nothing but your lion-y arms.\u00a0 See?\u00a0 Now you know why I can’t\u00a0even do ONE!!\u00a0 But I do have to admit that the “Prison Cell” pushups will come in handy after I get thrown in jail on assault charges (I’m not saying against whom.\u00a0 Could be Tony.\u00a0 Could\u00a0be Dreya.\u00a0 Could even be Adam\u00a0with his half-percentage\u00a0of body fat, ya mo fo).\u00a0 Especially when you incorporate the\u00a0spiderman-climbing-the-wall-only-horizontally Chatarunga Run add-on.\u00a0 Those assault charges may\u00a0include a Tonya Harding tire iron\u00a0component as well.<\/p>\n

Just wanted to mention here that “Towel Hopping” is basically the same as jumping jacks.\u00a0 Except from side to side.\u00a0 With your legs closed.\u00a0 But they still have the same pee-ish results.<\/p>\n

Finally, to cap the whole totally dreadful routine off?\u00a0 We do “Table Leg Raises.”\u00a0 Fifty-seven\u00a0minutes of our lives are gone forever, never to be retrieved at\u00a0this point.\u00a0 Our forearms are sweating (I didn’t even know\u00a0forearms COULD sweat!\u00a0\u00a0Is that even possible?\u00a0\u00a0Or right?!\u00a0 This may be a horrific side-effect of the *&^%ing Sphinx Push-ups.\u00a0 Bleep!!\u00a0 BLEEP!!!!)\u00a0\u00a0and Tony exhorts us\u00a0with\u00a0a cavalier, “how\u00a0many you gonna do?”<\/p>\n

Uh – how about\u00a0“none”\u00a0Tony?\u00a0 *&^%%$$#@#$%%^^&&*&^%$#@!!!!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

—–Mom & Dad:\u00a0\u00a0Expletives may be used throughout this post.\u00a0 Please don’t read any further if you’re going to act all disappointed at my “language” next time we talk.\u00a0 Because really.\u00a0 The only way to convey how terrible this sh**\u00a0is, is through the use of expletives.—– Ok.\u00a0 I just HAVE to get this off my chest […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[10,8,7],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/636"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=636"}],"version-history":[{"count":22,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/636\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":886,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/636\/revisions\/886"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=636"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=636"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=636"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}