{"id":565,"date":"2013-01-17T08:26:59","date_gmt":"2013-01-17T15:26:59","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=565"},"modified":"2013-01-17T08:31:51","modified_gmt":"2013-01-17T15:31:51","slug":"stretchmarks-x","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/?p=565","title":{"rendered":"Stretchmarks X!"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s not like I want “ripped” abs.\u00a0 It’s just that I don’t want my abs to be convex.\u00a0 So I’m hoping this P90X path I’m headed down\u00a0will lead me to a nice in-between place where my abs are just plain ‘ol…flat.<\/em><\/p>\n

But one thing I find puzzling about all of this P90X-ness is that Tony Horton STILL hasn’t mentioned anything about stretch marks.<\/p>\n

I mean, he seems seriously committed to giving me a beach body.\u00a0 And in fact,\u00a0mentions this\u00a0commitment\u00a0several times during his workout dvd’s.\u00a0 His website (which he also mentions several times in every dvd)\u00a0is www.beachbody.com<\/a>.\u00a0 This all clearly\u00a0adds up to: Tony Horton is dedicated to giving me a beach body [which I will then place in a bikini when my husband surprises me with a Spring Break trip to the white sand beaches in Mexico!]\u00a0 I added\u00a0that last part…but that’s what’s coming next.\u00a0 It’s so obvious.\u00a0 But we all know it’s\u00a0gonna be a low-budget trip, of course, since I don’t have a job and we don’t have any\u00a0“extra” money to spend on a trip.\u00a0 So that’s why\u00a0Tony has probably already contacted my husband to suss out the details of how to transfer his frequent flyer miles to us.<\/p>\n

But\u00a0yet Tony\u00a0maintains radio silence\u00a0about stretch marks.<\/p>\n

Which is totally confusing because if he’s as<\/em> dedicated to giving me a beach body as he says he is, then he should have mentioned how to work out the stretch marks by now!\u00a0 (Or at least have something posted on his website about it…especially something about how to get rid of that weird stretch mark\u00a0that comes straight out of my belly button and which was soooooo painful when I was pregnant with my children.\u00a0 Too much information?)<\/p>\n

Let’s see.\u00a0 He’s got Ab Ripper X, Kenpo X, Yoga X and on and on and on.\u00a0 Aha!\u00a0 There is a Stretch X.\u00a0 But don’t be misled!!\u00a0 It has NOTHING to do with stretchmarks.\u00a0\u00a0I checked.\u00a0 There really needs to be a StretchMARKS X.<\/p>\n

Tone-ster!\u00a0 You hear me?!?\u00a0 My rockin’ abs won’t do me any good at the beach if\u00a0my\u00a0skin still looks like I’ve been\u00a0clawed by a tiger from the belly button down.<\/p>\n

Send help soonest.\u00a0 XOXO, Me.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s not like I want “ripped” abs.\u00a0 It’s just that I don’t want my abs to be convex.\u00a0 So I’m hoping this P90X path I’m headed down\u00a0will lead me to a nice in-between place where my abs are just plain ‘ol…flat. But one thing I find puzzling about all of this P90X-ness is that Tony […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/565"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=565"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/565\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":570,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/565\/revisions\/570"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=565"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=565"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newstayathomemom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=565"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}